As I get out this borrowed car and get ready to use some of this borrowed money to fill half this tank. One thing is on my mind. Never being in this situation ever again. To lose what you felt wasn’t much has been an eye opening experience. I now know the value of my previous blessings. No I wasn’t balling. My disposable income wasn’t that great. However, if I needed something, I had it. Even it was my last. I knew where the next was coming from. That’s not really my reality today. But you know what? I’m extremely thankful for this lesson.
I don’t think I’ve been this hungry to succeed at a high level in my life! It’s because I know the humbling experience of sleeping in car because you don’t want to make the hour plus trip to a home that’s not yours. You also sleep in that car because you know you don’t have that much money for gas to fill up 2-3 times a week. I know the humiliating feeling of having to ask someone to ask someone to spend the night just to make a job interview that’s close by. All you need is warm water because you have your entire bathroom and closet in the trunk of that borrowed car. I know what it’s like to technically not eat once a day. To use a restaurant or a cafe for air conditioning or just a different scenery. To go hard and create something for nothing but hopeful exposure. Only for that exposure to seem non existent. Having a misguided anger towards people that say they want to help, but can’t or won’t introduce you to a person that really can. For those of you that know me personally. Understand that I went this route on my own. I didn’t want to bring anyone down with me. Maybe it was pride or me not wanting to be the ultimate burden to anyone, but I did all this alone and by choice. Did I take help? Yes. When I needed it most a handful of people were there and delivered ten-fold. I love, respect and appreciate all of them for that. I hope none of them read this and say “Damn Cam! WTF!?! You could have hit me if it was like that!” This was just apart of my journey. A journey that I am just now starting to understand. Hitting any of you up everyday for a need, want or an ask, just isn’t me. I couldn’t do it. Don’t feel a way. I made my own choices.
It’s these types of things that have shaped me. It’s letting me know that I can not and should not depend on anyone. I’ve learned survival on a whole new level. I know what it takes to get by for days or even a week at a time with maybe $20. That’s something you learn when you think and live like you never appreciated what you have and had. It’s what you learn when you take for granted your haves because you are so focused on your have nots. It’s the storm that will make you appreciate the calm in your life. Sincere joy would fill my heart and tears would fill my eyes for a world of calm right now. I’m getting there. That’s why I’m sharing this.
When I become wealthy. I will help. I will help for all the times no one could help me. I will offer because I know what it’s like to lack simple things or decide whether or not you are going to pay this small bill or get gas and lunch for the rest of the week. The generosity will come because I know what it’s like to hop on gofundme.com and start an account and pride will scream loudly in your mind “what the hell are you doing asking for help like this!?!? No one is going to help you this way!” So you log off in anger thinking of a way to make it the rest of the week. I’ve lost, made sacrifices and seen no end in sight to my pain. That’s why it’s important that on my rise I never feel these things again.
I’m going to ball! Be appreciative and never take another blessing in my life for granted. You can find just as many people with more and less. So be gracious when you rise. Because a humble stumble is inevitable. I blame no one but my own mind. I had so much more around me than I realized. I see that clearly now that most of it is gone. I’m thankful cause I know all that and more is returning.