I just let a person know that I am done hating them today. A person who I loathed for so long. A person who’s death was wanted and at one time I felt would grant me great solace. I know, I couldn’t believe I did it either. I tell you what though. It felt really good to do it. I felt some release of pressure and a regaining of power while crafting this letter and a great deal of closure when delivering it.
It’s wrong to hate and I knew that. I’ve always known that. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in the wrong that has been done to you and wanting retribution for those wrongs that you lose yourself and who you are supposed to be in the midst of the madness. I was definitely lost. My anger, fire and hatred would eat me alive and completely exhaust me.
I want to say it’s almost a year to the date when I had the conversation with my mom about this person. I told my mom, “I’m over all of this. The hating, arguing and fighting. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m going to focus on me and what matters most to me.” My mom was glad to hear me say that. Although I said it that day, I didn’t make the person aware of that. I will say when I made up in my mind that I would cease my hatred things changed. The change was within me. I became more relax, carefree and focused on my true task. The sight of this person and the sound of their voice wouldn’t ignite fury as it once did before. As I let go of more rage, hate, fury, anger and wrath, I began to see better. I also began to care less about that persons actions towards me. That gave me a sense of power. Power I don’t think I’ve felt with this person ever. That’s how I know it was the right thing to do.
This person and I won’t be friends. I’m working on 100% forgiveness, but will never ever forget the things this person made me feel. Those feelings consumed me and almost ruined my life. It’s why I’m in a state of mental repair. We’ll probably never have a relationship of trust, but God willing there will be some respect moving forward. No matter the future, I am at peace today. I have began to heal, by letting go and focusing on the things in life that really matter to me. I am empowered by slaying my internal hate and it’s beautiful.