It was this day 10 years ago I made big plans for myself. I had just dropped what was my 2nd mixtape of 2008 while still riding high off the one I dropped in April. “Thank You…I Try” and Curtain Call Vol.1: SHOOHmanship sounded great and I did more shows than ever the summer of 2008 from the city to the suburbs. I had a website called “GrownManMusic.com” where the music could be listened to and where merchandise could be purchased. I was really serious about making a push for being a “known rapper” in the city of Chicago and doing something one of a kind for the town that raised me, Freeport, Illinois. Only thing on my mind was rapping my ass off to get myself out of Walgreens and living a life of luxury. I really felt I could do it. I honestly didn’t know how with no real plug into the next level, but that was the plan. I celebrated New Years Eve with 5 other people that year. We were real low key. Drinks and Music in a safe and controlled environment. If you asked me then, I would have said I was in the presence of great company, friends and possibly even family.
My guy Mico was championing me and my movement hard. He was by far one of my truest and greatest supporters during that time and still is. When the ball dropped on 2009, he looked at me and said “Man, this is the year! You’re going to get a record deal and be one of the biggest rappers in the game! Telling you, dog! This is your time! This is your year!” I laughed, but felt all sincerity in his voice. I doubted and believed it at the same time. It’s wild how I can pinpoint the feeling I had and understand it more now looking back.
You’re reading this short story because that dream/goal didn’t happened. That day would become the countdown to “the end” on so many levels. The end of friendships. The end of my “rap career”. The end of me thinking that a record deal for me was going to happen. It also let me know that maybe that was never what I wanted. I didn’t record one verse for Curtain Call Vol.2: SHOOHTIME. In fact, I would 180 and decide to get into broadcasting by May of 2009.
Out of the 5 people I spent NYE with that year, I only talk to 2 now. One because he’s like a brother to me. The other because we are forever connected through a child. Funny how everybody’s down to ride and be a Solider, but no one wants a General.
2009 would become of the the wildest rides of my life with the majority of the people I brought in the New Year with being a distant memory by June. I would have never seen that coming even thinking back now. It was a valuable lesson learned and under that lens it leaves me with having no real regrets.
A lot can change in a year. The people that say they love you and riding for you may prove that they don’t and won’t. Pressure situations build character and reveal who’s who. I’m reminded of that as I go into every new year with less friends, interaction and support from more of those people. Those “friends” that “cared” those that are “like family” that “want to look out any way they can” and “don’t want you to forget them when you’ve made it”. They only truly mean that if you’re up and they can benefit. Not many have time for you, when you’re down.
Maybe I was never meant to be a famous rapper. I’m secure with that. It’s much more fun when it’s not a job anyway. I’m more concerned that it’s been 10 years and I still have the same dream and goal of being wealthy with a lifestyle of luxury. It’s a sign that I spent a years with a goal and had absolutely no idea how to get to it. It’s eye opening because the changes I have made and the information that I have attained and the people I admire and attempt to surround myself with show me I didn’t have a clue of how to do it back then. I got clues now though. I got clues and I am going to get further than ever this year.
With that said, today I added “Make $250,000” and “Save $15,000” to my 2019 goal list. I have a lot of work, risk and sacrifice ahead of me. At least I know and understand that now. I’m going to take to take a moment sometime tonight to pray on both of those goals. Pray that I achieve them and pray that I don’t get in my own way in the process of achieving them.
I’m also going to pray for some luck. I’m doing the work. I’ve maintained the consistency. I just need to be seen by someone that can really help me. I somebody to believe “I’m Next” and push the button. I’m prepared for the opportunity. Now, I’m praying that it comes. On this day, I have the same finish line I did 10 years ago. On this day, ten years later, I am prepared for another wild ride.
Have a Safe and Happy New Year!