In exactly 6 days my official last day working in a corporate radio structure will be 3 years old.
I remember every emotion I went through during that time. I was extremely hurt, angry, hateful and on edge. I felt disregarded, disrespected, unappreciated and felt as if I was suppose to believe I didn’t matter. Those kind of emotions send you on a whirlwind. One that is tough to recover from. All you have is revenge and payback on your mind. Your attitude is “fuck everybody that doesn’t fuck with me” and if it’s fake love, fuck you twice! I was there; Firmly in a hellfire and ready to scorch any being in my reach to their soul if they opposed me. Needless to say it was a bad time.
I had an idea of what I wanted to do, but in reality I had no plan. My exit strategy was accelerated and “help” was minimal or non existent. All the true planning I had was rooted in emotion. I was going to work, but the only actual plan I had was to be happy, feel better about myself and get in an environment where I was loved, respected and appreciated. I wanted to be all of those things so bad in an industry I felt I was born to be in. I was never trying to leave the game, just my environment. I never once thought that I wasn’t supposed to be in broadcasting. However, I did have no clue how I would remain in it with all the emotions flowing through me.
I wasn’t even sure if I should apply for media jobs based on what I had been through. I wasn’t convinced that “things would be different or better” changing companies or markets. I was extremely jaded on what would be the reality. I also looked at the people that “agreed with me” yet maintained position just fine. Again, I was jaded. It doesn’t matter how they function, it’s about me. How am I doing? What will I do to make things right for me? That’s what matters. Not how others words and actions don’t align correctly.
So many reality checks about this game and the people I met in it prepared me for life as I see it now. I understand that “family” talk is just business and many people will only help you as much as you can help them. That new understanding helps me never take certain things personal. One of the most valuable lessons learned was, Many people can’t really help you cause they can’t really help themselves. Some people are not where they want to be and have too much ego to help you get a step closer to where you want to go. That’s a couple valuable lessons of life and industry business for me.
My downtime back in my hometown gave me a chance to exhale and restart. I got back to working smart. Having no shame in starting from the real bottom and on the outside. Not being concerned if the likes, calls, texts and friendships got light or non existent. I wanted to be in the media and entertainment industry, not be everybody’s popular friend.
Fast Forward I work 2 jobs. One Entertainment industry related and making strides. I do 2 podcasts a week and developing a third. I’m writing my ass off, put out a book and the people that genuinely mess with me are still here. I WIN! I live for me and not the perception of what’s popping. Layla’s Daddy can’t be a lame in a quest for clout. Her Daddy works; And the work is the work!
I won’t lie and act like I didn’t try to go back to the place I once loathed. I thought a different market would be a good second chance for me. As the process broke down, it was clear that I would have ass to kiss, would need to “humble myself and be grateful” to be back, because I’m basically still a piece of shit human being to a few too many people that still hold power there. Another valuable lesson learned. My desire has changed so much that I know our paths will cross again. I’ll leave it at that.
In 6 days, it will have been 3 years since I started over. On that 6th day, I will be in my hometown around family, love and with great peace of mind. Everything I was searching for when I pulled up 3 years ago, in my hometown, in the middle of my family reunion, with no career, but plenty of faith.