Standing At The Underground Door

A tongue and cheek FB status I made a couple months ago is starting to gain momentum and more thought. I said I would restart my underground rap career at age 40. Since I’ve said that I’ve been put in a few conversations about music and situations to record.

A conversation during my Camp From The Port podcast really let me know how happy I was being a “local rapper” performing on the scene, even though I wasn’t “super popular” and selling a lot of CD’s. After that I found myself in the studio with an artist recording a now rare feature for his project. This week, I was sent another beat by a different artist to hop on and off instinct, I wrote and finished a verse that’s ready to record. It felt really good to do that. I don’t get that kind of excitement or “high” doing too much of anything.

It’s wild how that one thing I loved so much in my late teens and 20’s has come back for me. I truly never wanted to stop recording and doing shows and I honestly did it for all the wrong reasons. I should have never took that time off between 28-32. I should have went forward and recorded that album and pursed my rap passions by myself. Hell, that’s literally where I would be if I restarted right now! It’s a great artistic hobby, but I honestly love doing it. It makes me happy to write and record. Unexplainably happy.

I’m in my late 30’s now and I’ll admit there’s some anxiety on this topic for me. I don’t know why I care about what people will think of me returning to music “at my age” but, I got a pretty good idea of where it started. When I was 28, being a “rapper at 30” had a terrible stigma. However, people like Curren$y and Danny Brown, were truly living the life that I desired. Independent, underground artist, making a very nice living off of creating music and touring. Also can’t forget artist like MF Doom and Tech N9ne and the entire Strange Music family. I’ve always felt I could do it, but after hitting 33-35, it just didn’t seem “realistic”. That’s such stupid thinking. Why am I living based on what society says is “realistic”?

Now we’re in a time where some of the best artist of every genre are well over 30 and 35. The youth are still inspired and fans of the “OG’s” that are still creating. I look at a lot of the artist who’s music I purchased in High School, still out here putting in work and creating greatness and I’m inspired. There’s so many things I haven’t done with music and honestly, I don’t want to die with a bunch of “What If’s” and regrets surrounding this topic.

Right now, I’m thinking why wait for 40. Why not do it right now! I’d much rather try and fail at this, than work my current day job, for the pay I don’t want or feel I deserve, just so people won’t look at me as “too old to create music”. When did I start caring about what people think so much?!

Writing and creating is my happiness. I want to be happy forever. This blog site, writing poems, books and songs will honestly keep me happy forever. What’s more important than my personal happiness?

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