As I look at many people sharing their 2009-2019 stories, I’m somewhat disappointed in myself. 10 years ago, I was working retail and in pursuit of a career in the wild world of radio. I got that career, but it didn’t come without a lot of resistance, drama, trials and tribulations. I unfortunately encountered some of the worst people I’ve ever met in that chapter of my life. Sure, their were good times and even great experiences. Some things I can honestly say, don’t happen to me or for me without that 6-7 year run. That’s both positive and negative.
By Late 2016, I was hurt, pissed off and jaded. Wondering what I was going to do next. Nothing really made sense and I had a very bad taste in my mouth about radio and a good number of the people in it. Present day I am somewhat back at 0. I have a total of 3 podcast, this blog site, BehindTheRhyme.com and a book out. In spite of it all, I made the most of my time. I’m nowhere near the success I want to see, but I know it’s not the end of the road for me. I’m creating my way and on my terms. It feels good, but I can’t shake where I’ve been and what I’ve been through.
I unfortunately have a lot of negative memories about the last 10 years. It’s messed up because even the great moments, personal and professional are clouded by bad. Bad people, bad energy, bad reactions to those people and their energy. I grew in ways I didn’t expect and became some things I never wanted to be. There were periods of time where I hated myself and many people around me. I became needy of pleasure because I felt overwhelming pain. Pain cause by many of the people that said they loved me or helped raise me.
I’m still dealing with a lot of emotional scars and trauma from the last 10 years. It makes it’s way out in different ways and different times. I don’t think I really have anyone to talk to, so I write. Sometimes I write here and other times in a notebook or on doc sheets I may take to the grave. I got to get it out so I feel better.
Through it all I’m optimistic. I pray life comes together for me better than this. The highs and lows of the past 10 years have taken their toll on me. So many things I never want to feel again. So many people that I want to erase, but I can’t. I just want to be better internally at this point. The 2020’s should be the best time of my life. I’m going to look forward to it with hope no matter what.
Thank God I survived the last decade. I must be here for a real reason.