Understanding Layers of Sexual Fantasy

I don’t think I’m going out on a limb when I say, the act of sex between two consenting adults is expected to end in an equal level of satisfaction for both parties. That is definitely the want. We also know that the specific want is not a guarantee in many cases. Some men and women walk the earth mildly please or totally unsatisfied. That and a conversation I had not too long ago has me thinking about the layers of sexual fantasy and what would I do about it.

One of the recent epiphany’s I had is that sexual fantasy is not meant to please both people involved in the same way. Often times humans act under reciprocation and instant gratification. In the aspect of sexual fantasy that would mean, doing to or for you with the expectation of you reciprocating in equal value for me. That logic is not wrong, but I am beginning to feel that it should be unexpected. At least not in the same manner under the code of satisfaction.

If your mate approaches you with an idea of a fantasy, you have a choice in whether you will do it or not. I feel you doing it shouldn’t be about what you are getting in return; It should be about you being satisfied with creating the fantasy. The euphoric state for the moment should be equal, but the manner in which satisfaction is received should be recognized.

The satisfaction of the giver should be being happy to please the receiver.

The receiver’s role is to delight in the requested moment delivered by the giver.

It’s a level of “pleasing your mate” that many disregard because we live in the mindset of, but what are you going to do for me? Even if you don’t have a fantasy, the person you are asking now wants “something” in exchange for what they say they are willing to do for you.

The scenarios and extremes won’t matter. From being whipped, to anal licking to threesomes we all see conversations that usually end with, but can I do that too?

Let’s go with the classic scenario. Man wants threesome with 2 women, because that’s his fantasy. Woman say, yes, but I want one with 2 men. Now, in the mind of tit for tat, it makes perfect sense. You have it, so I have it. But, if that is truly the mans fantasy, why must it be countered with a woman’s trade? Is it really about fulfilling a fantasy at that point or is it something to say you both have done it? Did that woman really want two men or is she just trying to prove she can have a threesome too? Unfortunately you’ll never know until you try or don’t.

I think scenarios like the above are why “Sex workers” exist. People want their fantasy without judgement, trade or having to do something in return. A man will pay for a woman to swallow before he goes back and forth about why “his girl” won’t. A request to wear an item, feel a sensation or visit a place is much easier with a person who is all about the moment of pleasing you for nothing more than a thank you and transaction fee. The rise of premium snap and “Only fans” pages even when “PornHub is free” or “women you know can send you nudes” is because of the experience and confidentiality. Fantasy is more than “busting a nut”. Fantasy is an experience where all your senses take in the moment in time and create a memory. How many people are going out of their way to do that for each other?

Some people are reading the above and saying “well if you paid me, I’d do it for you, too!” That always sounds good. We all want to get money, but even the motive is ” you’re going to pay me so I’m going to do it” not “Let me provide a pleasurable experience for you and be compensated for the time and experience.” It may sound like semantics but it’s truly in mindset. Some people are born people pleasers. Some people are selfish and want what they always feel is owed to them. Some people that you love have limits. What do you do when you can’t meet that limit?

The hot new crazy is spitting in a persons mouth during sex. That’s a no for me, dog! If that was something that was requested, I’d have to bow out because that’s just a little too nasty for me. However, if my partner wanted that, would I be fair or really about her pleasure if I denied it?

What if it was just about the act being done?
Would it be ok for her to experience it with or without me?

For some anal is too over the top. Some people are into torture, liked to be peed or farted on. Some people are enamored by watching their mate have sex with another person in front of them, while masturbating. Kink, fetish and fantasy all have different levels for different people.

What would you do if your mate wanted a fantasy that you were unwilling to provide?
How would you rectify that?

I’m interested in all answers.

2 thoughts on “Understanding Layers of Sexual Fantasy

  1. I’ve always set boundaries with my partner, setting the line that I won’t cross. I encouraged her to do the same.

    So what happens if my taboo is her fantasy? Then it becomes a question of what’s more important — me or the fantasy?


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