#CamsBookIsDone!

I’m super excited to announce that my very first book is officially done! During my month off of social media, I made it a point to make sure I finished at least one major milestone project. I can’t believe it, but I am proud to say that I did it! I finished my first book!

Originally, I started writing a book about my life and things I want to be. It may be boxed in as a “Self help” book, but I stopped. That book takes a different type of focus. A focus that I got out of once my compositions started getting attention and praise by all of you. I saw, heard and felt the reaction that my poetry was getting online and it made me want to write more. I started filling up this site with them. The reaction increased.

Then I thought, maybe this is what the book should be. If it’s going to be the book then I can’t put every single one of the poems on the site. I didn’t want to cheat my new audience. So I stopped writing the first book and slowed down putting poetry on here and started writing more offline. What started as 10-12 bonus pieces ended up being well over 25!

Over 25 dark, insightful and healing compositions. Theres also nostalgia, beauty and reflection. There’s going to be a little lust, desire and fantasy near all the disaster as well. I feel this is the best introduction of me right now. It gives you the transparent and artistic side of me. My colorful language and who I am at my core. The other book is who I want to be. I think it’s only right and fair to all of you that I give you who I am first. The layers of the writer CamQuotes. The boy from Freeport that became a man in Chicago and it’s suburbs, Atlanta and Indianapolis. The things I seen and done. You’re going to get things I believe and see that many can’t. The destruction of things and people in my life that I once loved unconditionally and possibly still do when all is said and done. You’re going to get all of that and maybe some things you don’t see coming with this book. I hope you enjoy it.

It’s time to get into promo mode. I’ll be updating here and on Instagram with new happenings, questions and working on ways to build awareness. I’ve set a new big goal for myself. Now the real work begins. Talk soon.

I Get It Now…

I was trying to pour from an empty
But I get it now…

It’s ok to work on me first
Then trickle down
Starting cliques, Building Teams
With no solid foundation
All movement was mental
Cart and the horse misplaced, Yet…

It looked good on the surface
Meanwhile wonder “Why I ain’t popped”
And I’m nervous
Seem to me, recently
None of this was worth it
Almost gave up
Put my whole career in a hearse, Yes
But I was wrong…

I just had to revamp and evolve
Get a better version of the ground to stand on
Be me with no regard
Give them time to latch on
Understand the patience of time
And let the love help stand strong

So let’s see how this all goes down
New life, New focus
Feeling like I just came around
From my mind to your eyes
And soon your town

Cause I stopped pouring from that empty cup
And I get it now…

Moments: I Feel Like Steve Austin [July 1, 2016]

As of July 1, 2016 Radio One Indianapolis and I are parting ways.

It’s been 6 years since I’ve touched down in Indianapolis. I touched down 6 years ago with a mission. That mission was to be great and have impact. In a lot of aspects, I achieved that mission. Now, it’s all about growth and the next steps to my ultimate life goals.

Where are you going? To the Top!
Will you still be in Indy? I’m in Indy till the end of July
Where are you moving to? Back to Illinois
What will you be doing? Whatever I want.

The above was done to save the random inboxes and text messages. It’s hard to find out who cares vs. who’s nosey. Plus everything isn’t for social media, no matter how light, generic or “innocent” it may be.

I used this picture for a few reasons.
I’ve always believed I was greater than my circumstances. I’ve always believed that a clear shot at opportunity would give me a chance to show and prove and take myself and my family to heights even I couldn’t imagine.

I feel like Steve Austin the night he won King of The Ring. The years of putting in work and achieving some success, but not necessarily being “The Man” or “The Face of the Company” caused a change. A change that made him a profitable, undeniable icon at his craft. A person who is considered a giant because of his contribution to the game that he played in. That path started when he won King of The Ring in 1996. That’s where I feel I am right now. I’m a highly skilled individual with a great learning and earning upside. It’s time for me to go next level and prove those statements right.

To the city of Indianapolis, Thank You. I’ll be back soon.
To all the real ones that have sincere, unconditional love for me, Thank You. You’ve all kept me around and kept my head in the game longer than you know.

Now…Let’s all move on to be greater than we ever imagined.

Final Hours Before The Social Return

It’s Halloween night. I’m less than 2 hours away from returning to Social Media. The October discipline challenge is about to be complete and I honestly feel I have grown because of the time away. To recap, I challenged myself to stay off of every social media platform, except YouTube and LinkedIn for the entire month of October. I’m happy to say that I have completed it and have some great takeaways from the experience.

First thing was finishing a very special project. I am thrilled to announce a great milestone for me and I can’t wait to get into phase two and three of this project.

Second is seeing this site grow and truly be defined. I’ve changed the name so many times. I went through so many brand and personal changes that I wasn’t sure what this was going to be. It’s the first time in the long time I didn’t lean on “asking social media” what they want or being upset about answers or lack their of.

Third is getting a chance to create in the purest form. I was inspired by my thoughts and life. I tapped deeper into my emotions and feelings. The results were organic follows and likes to my blog and it’s pieces. No coaching and coaxing anyone to check anything out. The people found the content and the content found it’s audience. I’ve reached more writers by just cranking out content than I ever did asking FB or Twitter. That and the freedom I felt as I was creating. Great doesn’t began to describe that feeling.

Fourth is I got away from group thinking. I had to search for information, form a thought and evaluate it. I also didn’t have a timeline full of people trying to influence how I should feel about anything. I didn’t feel the need to attack opinions that I didn’t like either.

Fifth is understanding that I was using social media wrong. It became life instead of a tool. Too much emotion was wrapped into it. The time away gave me clarity on real life. The people that I would really talk to every day. The things I truly care about. The growth of me mentally and artistically. All that became clear once I left social media. I look forward to the return because I’m going to really turn a corner in how it’s all handled by me from here on out.

What do I plan to do when I return to social media?

  • Use Instagram as my PR rep and Agent
  • Follow better people
  • Turn my pages to quality content hubs
  • Start delivering and stop asking
  • Consistent FB Live [Pending]
  • Be Patient

The marathon continues. I’m going to solidify my lane in writing and media. I will take the time, make the moves and make myself happy. The time away was needed. I’m not sure if I want to get back on twitter outside of spitting out links. Got some ideas for Snapchat, but I got to get busy first. It’s time to document and create. Let my mind go and see who reacts. I have a plan. Now it’s time to execute.

More About My Self Doubt

The thing about my self doubt is it can be triggered by any angle in life. The chase alert this morning is an example. Sometimes I wonder why I even try to work. Some weeks it would honestly seem better for me to literally do nothing. I won’t gain, but I also won’t lose. It’s easier to function somedays when I don’t spend a dollar to eat, travel, park or get dressed.

As I look at this amount, a little hopelessness kicks in. Will I ever prosper financially? Am I giving this the wrong energy? I’m doing more than praying, but is anything I’m doing working?

I take pride in being a survivor, but I want the life of the prospered. I’m over “getting by” and the “just made it” way of life. Sometimes it makes me think I think too highly of myself. Like what I see in my mind is a mirage of a life I’m never meant to live. The life I see isn’t even that lavish, which makes it even more difficult to cope sometimes.

Another layer is doubt in my communication. Every decade it seems like I’m just misunderstood. People feel a way and want more from me to the point it feels like I’ve never done anything from the start. It’s hard to find comfort and peace of mind when you consistently feel inadequate in your verbal and non verbal communication.

That’s a reason I write. No one understands me like a blank page whether in a notebook or a website. Here I put the words down and the world is clearer. It’s no questioning of motives. It’s no need to know beyond what’s seen and said. It’s no asking for incorporation or celebration. It’s just an understanding of a mental moment. Nothing more or less. As I audit my personal life, It’s scarce the times I’ve felt that trying to confide in another person. That’s why I’m not anxious to spend time doing it.

It’s hard to find transparent, selfless, non-judgmental people. People you can release to and it’s a one off. Those that will hear your words and stories and not feel it’s about them or think how it will effect them. Those that won’t pacify you or make you think you’re weird or crazy. And for the record I do think I’m weird and crazy. I just don’t want to be chastised for being who I am.

I know. I sound like a person who is all alone and has absolutely no one to talk to. I also understand that maybe that’s just the thoughts consuming my own mind. A personal reality that isn’t even real. That’s the thing about self doubt. You see the world in a different hue and reality is skewed sometimes.

What doesn’t help is anyone that would take it personal and react in a “what about me?” way. If a homeless person was to walk up to you and tell you, “I’m hungry and I have no idea where I’m going to sleep tonight.” Would you counter with, “Well I can get you a meal and hotel if you just ask or let me help” or would you just ask, “How can I help?” then actually help because you feel it in your heart to do so?

If I told you this in a one on one conversation what would you do? Would you feel a way? Would you ignore my words? Would you even understand them? Would you think you did something wrong? Would you tell me “I’m tripping” and walk off? Would you really want to know more and ask real questions? Would you keep the conversation between us?

I’ve just opened the door to why I don’t have surface level small talk. Talk soon.

OR…

Did I take on too much?
Is this life really for me?
Am I right for this task?
Will I ever be those things?

I’m trying…
Struggling to grow
As the garden would
In barren soil

I know the feelings of the discounted
The mute and unrecognized
Wanting to be noticed
Acknowledged for more

I may be wrong forever
And forever is a long time
To heal or partition
In that crossroad I lie…