The Overdue Life Evolution

Late July, I started a challenge with some of the homey’s. The goal was to not eat meat for 30 days. No Beef, Pork, Chicken or Fish. On paper it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.What it turned into was one of the easiest ways to prove “I can do anything if I want to.” and that made me really want to. Some days I thought about “having some wings and starting over” or “Getting this fish sandwich real quick” because people say that’s not a really a meat. I didn’t do either of those scenarios.  I just turned it into a greater mindset challenge for myself.

I decided to name it a “Discipline Challenge” and have this be the first test in the evolution of me. In the midst trying to find work and be working, I haven’t really taken the much needed time to take care of myself. When I went 30 days without eating meat. I felt accomplished. I felt good about me. I also seen that I can get through days or weeks with a greater set of options for food and that meat didn’t have to be eaten everyday. So now, I’m just going to do more discipline challenges. It’s all about the real steps to an overdue Life Evolution.

For September, the challenge is to lift weights 10 times this month. Cardio Days do not count. Why this challenge? Because for about 10 years, I been saying “I’m bout to look like Ravishing Rick Rude on you heauxs” and to be real, his corpse probably still looks better than me. I’ll start, but I’ll also finish. See a few cuts, pose down in the mirror then stop. Lose 20 pounds, compare that day 1 shirtless selfie to the progress selfie and then stop. It’s got to be apart of my lifestyle if I’m really going to make it happen. 10 days of lifting doesn’t sound difficult until you put it in perspective. LA Fitness gives out 3, 5 and up to 2 week passes and people still don’t go half the time before the pass expires. If I can lift weights 3 times a week that would lead me to meeting my goal with days to spare in the 4th week. My goal is to exceed the doable goal. My first day was September 4th. With discipline, I could be on day 6 by Saturday.

The Discipline Challenges is all about the action it takes to be the man I want to be. I’m making it public because people love train-wrecks and triumph. I’m pretty sure I’ve accomplished wrecked online in great fashion before, so let me give you some inspiration now.

It’s also a reminder that I need to start taking better care of myself. I need look better. I need to feel better. I’m really going to research and find a therapist, even though writing has been great for me the last few weeks. I’m going to dress better. I will master the clean but wild look. I will do things I love and concern and surround myself with only people that love me. Things that I didn’t know I wasn’t doing until it felt like I was literally doing nothing with my life.

I’m pumped! Discipline Challenge number 2 is on deck! follow my IG @CamQuotes to see the process. @PenPimps probably don’t want me posting half naked selfies this fall anyway. ha!

Lessons: Passion Makes Money

I’m fresh off of one of the longest work days ever! Or so it seems. I am unfortunately working a very unfulfilling job just to get by. I didn’t want to end up here, but it’s honestly my own fault. A little over a year ago, I got tired of fighting to be accepted and appreciated in an environment that wasn’t great for me, personally. That environment made me question if I really liked the industry I was in. Did I really care to stay in media and entertainment or could I do “anything” and be happy as long as I made decent money? Those questions were burning holes in my mind a year ago. I took the chance on walking off that job, for various reasons and thought I could start my own media company and “do anything” in route to making money not only to live and provide, but to also fund my upstart company. 12 months removed from that ideology and plan and I can tell you that I was dead wrong.

I should have taken the option of a transfer. Went to a different market and remained in the industry that I truly do have a lot of love for. I know that would have been a difficult conversation for my family and fiance, but I should have at least had it. Then again, it would be difficult to have that conversation when your own mind is doubting you, your situation and your purpose where you currently are.

Sometimes where you are and who’s around you can jade your reality. I doubted myself in my previous surroundings. I had no clue why I would get so much resistance or feedback or sometimes just flat out ignored. I didn’t understand why my passion and willingness to try and fail or excel and be great was never matched with the people I needed it to match with the most. That made me think that I needed to leave. That “this wasn’t for me” and I need to find a realm of likeminded individuals who wanted to prosper. I was right on needing to leave that place. But leaving the game was officially a big mistake. A mistake I hope to rectify before this year is up.

I’ve shut down my media company because I can’t afford the resources or the outsources. I figure before I get in way over my head, walk away and maybe pick it up in a better place at a different time. That leads up to right now. As I search for an “in” back in media and entertainment and receive rejections for other “regular jobs” I’m reminded of many lessons I’ve learned over the past few years.

Everything that has happened in the last year keeps telling me to “Make My Own Door”, but it’s been a battle acquiring the materials. Everything cost. Time truly is money. I’m currently only rich in time so I have a frame built, but it may be time to put the hammer up until I can afford the hinges, deadbolt lock and nice shiny doorknob. Probably need a peephole too.

I’ve learned that passion makes the money. If you don’t love the task you will under perform. Could I be great at this current job and climb the ladder like they want me to? Yes; If I actually liked being there. I can do anything when I sincerely want to. That’s the problem though. I don’t want to to do this. I don’t want to be here. I complained about my compensation quite a few times at my last stable gig. What would ease some of that conversation would be me saying “Well…At least I got a full time job in the industry”. That was enough for me for a long time. Looking back, that would be enough for me right now. This last year has put many things in great perspective for me. I just hope to make good with the new knowledge that I’ve retained.

Live your passion. Work your passion. Your passion will pay. I won’t say how much, but it will. If you can wake up and want to punch in doing whatever it is you do and go home content. You’ve won. I can’t wait to start winning again.

 

 

Throwing My Life Away

Today was the epitome of bittersweet. Only problem is I’m not sure what to define as sweet. I spent the bulk of my day throwing away a lot of time moments and memories into a dumpster. It was like saying “Cam. You’re life was trash. Let’s do away with it forever.” Maybe that’s an extreme stance to take, but it’s literally how I felt. I may be a hoarder or a “pack rat” but to a degree, I think it’s cause of how I grew up. I definitely had enough, but I was also raised to take care and hold on to things. You do that because it’s not money to “just go get another one” if you lose or break the one you already have. I was in a “this gotta last you” household. I have clothes and shoes that are decades old. They would be used to “get dirty” or cut the grass in.

Looking through the boxes, I had basketball and wrestling cards in mint condition. I had VHS tapes in their original cases. I had CD singles in their original paper case. Some still had the plastic on them. I found my copy of NBA Live 95 with the instructions in the original case. I just couldn’t throw some of those things away. It really meant something to me to have these things. Some of the things I had now 22 years later.

I found old pictures, letters, yearbooks. I literally was going through my entire life and deciding what to discard forever. It made me sad and angry. Can’t explain it, but it did. I couldn’t afford the storage, so I got everything out to avoid a fee. A lot of things I sent to Goodwill. I’ve made at least 4 trips there in the last month or two. I’ll be making another one soon as I slowly but surely part with more of my possessions.

I know they are just “things”, but it’s the memories for me. You ever see an object, or a piece of clothing or a picture and remember exactly where you were, what was said and how it all ended up being. Well that’s how I felt every two minutes today. From first girlfriend to first mixtape. From recent tragedy to my pride and joy, Layla. I experienced it all just looking through things.

I got plans for a lot of the stuff I now have crammed in this car. I want to make a scrapbook out of all of Layla’s artwork and cards she made for me. I want a blanket or two made out of all the radio station t shirts and shirts from when I was performing and doing shows. I want a Sega Genesis so I can play the games I found. I’m sure the Nintendo games didn’t work so I just let them go

I guess the silver lining is, it’s time for new things and new memories. Can’t live in the pass, but I must admit I do love to visit. Not sure why else I would hang on to so many things, but if anyone could give me a psychoanalysis, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Removing the old to make way for the new. The physical may be gone, but the memory never fades. Oh well. It’s just stuff right?

Working Pains…The Journal Version

It’s like no matter what number hits my bank account, it’s still not enough for the work put in. That’s why I will stay on the mission to do things I love and find a way for those things to make money. No 9-5, 7-11 or 6-3 is worth your time if it doesn’t bring you happiness.

I’m starting to learn that it will always be difficult to work for anyone but yourself the older you get. No the bills won’t stop coming in because of your decisions, but it’s important to work all avenues until you make happiness your full time job.

If you ever sold drugs to pay the rent or just make sure your family ate, I have respect for you. I know that sounds wild, but hear me out. You took the ultimate gamble. You put your life and freedom on the line for fast money. Fast money that you are hoping will do good for you. Although, I have thought about it several times, I just haven’t gotten the fear out of my chest to do it. I’m probably definitely too old to start now. I respect your lack of fear for consequences and how your impatience at one point backed you up against the wall and you chose crime as an escape. I know, I know. Drugs poison the community and has contributed to destroying the black family and is “the easy way out” because you could work retail or fast food. The other thing I know is that when you have a family or just trying to eat and make it to work daily; Minimum wage and commission jobs don’t cut it every week. I would love to hit the block and make something happen to get me to at least a break even point. It’s just something in me that says “That’s not you, Cam. That’s not your path or purpose. Just hang on fam. It’s almost over.” So I don’t act on that urge to serve.

Moving forward everything will involve my desired level of long term happiness. I deserve it. No more of me saying “I’m doing what I got to do until I can do what I want to do”. Now it’s “I do what I want to do, because that makes me happy.”

I Can. I Am. I Will.

The past couple days have been a resurgence of sorts for me. A couple pieces of content with a positive message and vibe resonated deeply with me. Deep to the point that I watched one of them at least 5 times per day. It was info I heard before, but definitely needed. A lot of times my thoughts get the best of me and I get stuck in a rut. I have this odd space where I feel nothing will go right or get better. Over time it does, but I would beat myself into a mental submission and would always feel like there is no end in sight. It’s time I break that cycle forever and keep on the up and up.

I will rid my mind and world of “can’t” “hope” and “need” moving forward in my life. That’s not true faith and belief in the things that I want for myself. Jake Ducey’s video really got me thinking about how I talk to myself and if I truly believe in the things I say I want out of life. I’m going to share some affirmations with you all right here and right now.

I can impact the world with my words

I am a millionaire writer

I will be a New York Times Best Selling Author

I will speak in terms of ownership of the things I want in life. There will be no more “hope” because it will be so. There will be no “need” because I already have. I won’t speak of what I don’t want or “need” because it will take away from the things I already have or have coming to me. I will challenge myself everyday to speak as if I have everything that I see in the beautiful life that rests in my mind. I will see each vision out in full detail and live my wildest dreams and aspirations.

Life will never stop beating us up in some fashion no matter how much or how little we have. What’s important to remember is to speak only the good and great that we want out of this life. It’s way easier said than done. Trust me, I’ve lived the latter so I know. However, the effort is a must in our one life. If we don’t make the attempt we don’t allow the opportunity to succeed.

I want to encourage you as you encourage me. Let’s be our greatest and conquer all of our dreams.

Surviving Ain’t Enough

Sometimes I have encounters and conversations with people that I know don’t happen for no reason. I’m working a sales job now. Not in my desired industry for a desired base pay, but the commission is ok if you actually hit above the base. Anyway, I’m out working on collecting leads and a brother stopped to talk to me and told me 2 things.

1. You can’t work 3 jobs with a wife…
2. I can’t do sales with a family. Shoot I don’t know how you doing it…

He’s not wrong, but I can’t wait and do nothing until “something better” comes along. I want to quit this job, but the way being an adult is set up, I can’t. I’m becoming a victim of my own saying. “Do what you got to do until you can do what you want to do”. I don’t know how to shake this cycle and just do what I want to do. I can’t sit at home and do nothing. Bills don’t get paid that way. Grant it, I’m not doing the best at paying them now, but imagine if I did nothing. I’m just trying to be open to everything. I’m “sucking it up” and “making the best out of this unfortunate situation” as they say. It sucks and I don’t know what to make of it. I just know work. But how do you work when nothing seems to work?

I’m in a place now where it feels like nothing I ever did in life is getting me where I want or need to go. Not graduating high school, college or getting my diploma in broadcasting. Not being a retail manager, working transportation or digital content. It’s like I’m obsolete or invisible. It makes you feel a way. I can’t hear “send me your resume” or “I’ll let you know if I hear anything” and feel good about it anymore. Then all the free work I’ve put in. Sacrificing time and money to do something for someone else and not getting paid or what I would consider a great amount of exposure. It’s hard to digest at a time like this

The greatest feeling you can have is restored Faith in yourself. I had that, but to be honest I’m really down right now. Life is leaning on me harder than ever and if I’m being completely honest, I don’t have enough of anything and I’m not sure how I can keep this up. I’m not ready to go in depth about all I need publicly, but even my faith in God is in question. Why would I sit here and go through this rough of a time period right now? Why would I be getting all these ideas and no resources? How come I am not receiving anything in any capacity that can help me long term?

I just want to survive right now. But how can you survive when you feel you have nothing left to give? I also feel that you’re not supposed to just “want to survive”. I’m supposed to want to strive, soar and live. I’m losing my will to do that because I see no end to the turmoil in my sight.

I’ve said a lot here. I’m actually a little embarrassed. I just had to get this out of my mind so I can move forward.