As I Start December…

As I Start December…

I’m reminded of everything I was
As well as everything I am
My great gains
My draining losses
My new aspirations and desires
My want to restore and begin again

The steps I’ve taken
To be a better flawed being
The clouds that were in my vision
Until I used a different lens to see
I’ve changed. Nah…
I’ve evolved
Closer to the person I’ve always wanted to be
Wise enough to know
This years journey had to be

To feel like you’ve had nothing
Then lose more in that thought
To feeling I have everything
And see progress roll on
An unforgettable 2017
A pivotal chapter of my life
You’ve made me stronger
I thank you
Now it’s time I take flight

Today Looks Beautiful

Today looks beautiful…

Because I saw prosperity in the sun rise. It’s not many days that I’ve felt like this. This feeling leaves me wondering why I never have before. I’m in love with the aspect of loving myself more. I’m optimistic about sacrifice and the stepping stones ahead. I understand that there is more work to be done before progress makes itself visible. I am finding new meaning in wanting your goals to be attained by any means. The journey is just beginning and I feel I have the strength to endure and start another one after.

Yeah…Today…looks Beautiful…

Looking For Change…

You can walk with purpose
But that can appear aimless
Cause not many can see your path
You can be focused
And full of hope
And yes, many things will come to pass
To understand is to experience
That’s why many find it hard to grasp
That you’re looking for change…

Turn on social media
Turn off your empathy
Argue with one
Argue with all
Claim to laugh at other’s stupidity
Your scope is so different
Your words defy unity
The conversation you administer
Is venomous futility
All because you don’t see
People unlike you are looking for change…

Can I live?
Will I survive?
Is this the end?
Who hears my cry?
I can’t give up
I’ve got to strive
I will soon heal
I will not die
All in an effort to survive
While Looking for change…

Cam…Listen…

Hey…
Don’t give up now
Just keep pushing
Don’t worry
Everything is actually fine
And getting better
You’re still alive
You’re still moving forward
You have real goals
You just have to realize
That everyday won’t be great
Don’t get down
Don’t get depressed
Just keep pushing
You want to be a multi-millionaire doing what you love right?
Well, you’re almost there
You are sacrificing
You are surviving
You are grateful
You want to do well for better intentions
That’s why you shouldn’t worry
You’re not selfish
You have love and show love
You have empathy
Because not many have lived like you
Yet, you understand many have it worse
So don’t give up
Do this for no one but yourself
Get the life you see
Get the life you earn
Talk soon man

Seeing My World

Calmly I sit in dead silence. Thinking of the tomorrow that will come. The vision that plays so vividly in my mind as where I am transforms into thoughts of where I was. The freedom to live and choose. The option to work or play. Deciding to be where it’s always sunny or to enjoy a few days of rain.

I inhale the love and excellence. Then exhale the doubt and fear. Because what I am is what I always knew I would be. I no longer await my season or year. The smile on the face of my children, knowing the world is theirs to behold. The wife that endured the ride now can relax cause there is no more storm. The people considered family are living their wildest dreams. I’m helping. I’m giving. All because of what I’ve survived and seen.

When this world is mine, I can’t wait to bring you along. Cause this world on my mind, is even greater than when I first saw.

Anger and Sacrifice

Today honestly started off well. Then I got a message, that prompted me to make a call and it pretty much ruined the bulk of my afternoon. It happened because I let it, but still ruined nonetheless.

The anger, I couldn’t help. I hate when people don’t listen to me. I speak clearly and directly so when I don’t listen or am misunderstood, it bothers me. I try not to get so enraged, but it’s difficult during certain moments. What I hate equally and possibly more is people who talk down to me or get smart with me. I hate that because given the size of someone’s mouth, I know for a fact they wouldn’t have the courage to speak to me that way if we met in person. Especially if I am not leading with a venomous speech directed at them. Getting smart and or trading insults with people online or over the phone isn’t the coolest thing you can do with your life and time. It also won’t ever give you a stamp of “tough guy”. I was so fired up today, I ended one of the calls with “Don’t get smart, BITCH! I’ll fucking kill you.” Then I immediately hung up because I realized that my boiling point had completely spilled over. Even getting that out didn’t make me feel better. I wanted a real altercation. I wanted to reach out and touch this obviously young and ignorant soul who felt it was ok to talk down to me and be disrespectful. Blood would have made me feel better in the moment, although it would have been completely foolish and truly not worth it. If I woke up one morning in prison over that, I’d feel like the dumbest man on planet earth.

You know why I got so mad? Because I’m poor. Not broke. Broke is at least check to check. Poor is below broke. It’s owing with no end in sight. The place where every little bit helps, but it’s truly not enough. Poor is the realization that you are unable to survive daily without the help of others. That’s where I currently reside. It won’t be permanent, but it’s a reality. Had I not been so low, I don’t think I would have gotten as mad. Why? because the mere words of a faceless being wouldn’t have jabbed at my soul so viciously if I was prospering financially. I could have laughed it off or just ignored it if I was in a better financial space. I got angry because I felt like a scared dog in a corner. A scared dog attacks with intent to kill. To dig deeper. When you have very little, you know fight or flight and everything is a fight. That’s what I was ready to do. Fight and survive. It manifest the characteristics of a wild animal and that was honestly traits of my behavior today. It’s not right, but it was real.

After the calls today, I thought of one word. Sacrifice. I’m on a mission to $0. That means owing nothing and no one by any means. Even if that means I come last, so be it. I am going to work consistently to repair all the financial woes in my life and live below my means like never before. I’m not a “designer label nut” nor do I buy expensive shoes, tech gadgets or try to vacation, so those aren’t bad habits I have to break. What I will break is this cycle of having just enough or not enough. It’s time I live in abundance. I made myself a new affirmation to put on my phone for wallpaper. It will be my ultimate reminder of Sacrifice. It’s also a reminder that once I reach this affirmation, I’ll never have to be this angry at faceless rude people ever again. Here’s to day one of a new life of positivity, carefree, abundance!