Today wasn’t the greatest day. It was spirit crushing to be honest with you. However, as I begin talking to myself as I was driving home I noticed something. Something very damaging. I noticed that I was just spewing so much negative about life. I let this morning explode into “that’s how life always is”. Then that turned into “why will life never change”. If I hadn’t been driving, I would have wrote something so hurtful and draining to my spirit that it probably would have made me burst into tears. I can’t do that. I can’t talk bad in my life when things don’t go well.
I can’t talk like I won’t move beyond the present. I can’t speak what it currently is like it will always be. I don’t believe that. I don’t feel that. So I can’t speak that way nor accept it. It’s hard. Really hard. I got to keep pushing though. I have to tell myself that I am content with life. That I am happy. That everything is getting better. I take responsibility for today and every other day. I did look at what could have been done differently. I made mistakes leading up to this day. I became a victim of a past error. That’s not the end of the world though. I can’t treat it that way. I’m just sincerely tired of having to “take the L”. I want to live so bad that the present feels like it could kill me. The thing I always have to remember is, it’s only if I let it.
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I wanted to share this. Not just as a FB post, but as a pledge. A pledge to myself and a positive word to all of you that create. You who may have reservations and apprehensions about what you are creating. I think it’s important that we remind ourselves of certain things.
To The Creators. Just create.
F**k opinions, critiques or what you think people want to see, hear or do. People don’t know s**t. That’s why bandwagons exist. That’s why they find out late and move on to the next thing so quickly.
Create for you. Not because “that’s what’s hot” or “this is the new trend”. Create because it’s in your heart and burning a hole in your mind. Create because if you don’t get it out, you feel you may explode and the world will never truly see what you had in store. Create because it heals. It gives life. It can release whatever inside of you so you can move on and be better than ever.
Pick any instrument or object of choice. Just please; Create.
I sit and think
A blank stare over my face
Nothing is louder than my thoughts
My mind is crafting a plan
To complete life’s race
It’s a marathon of endurance, persistence and patience
One of strides, moderate speeds and sudden accelerations
You may crash…
But maintenance and repair will keep you sturdy
Although you complete
You never hope to finish too early
My marathon has me limping
No water in quick reach
Knees sore and back tight
Dry mouth with no speech
I want to win so bad
I’d hit the ground and roll if I have to
I’ve been beaten more than the path
That I step through for refuge
It is what it is…
I’m barely 5 miles in…
Where is my Success and Happiness?
Will I forever be stuck?
What can I sell right now?
To handle some business this month
Are these four walls getting to me?
What mental break am I in search of?
The chains of life are weighing me down
My list of goals will help me lift up
What can I sacrifice?
Will it ever be enough?
How can I let it go?
Is everything truly enough?
Pleasure, Pain and Sorrow
Hope, Change and tomorrow
Fight, Right and Cry
Live, Breathe or Die…
If you do it for the money you won’t prosper
I say without the money
How can you do anything?
I know I shouldn’t be trying to get to the next stop
But sometimes just getting by
Is the closest thing
Gangstarr was right
It is hard to earn
Through every loss in my life
I’ve found things to learn
I’m not asking for ease
I’m asking to see
A better way to proceed
Not a permanent leave
As I stick to the plan
And keep it about prosperity
I pray for the strength
To withstand till clarity