That video right there…sent me through an uncontrollable feeling. When I seen that video I went crazy and didn’t even understand why. I watched Rap City front to back to record this video on VHS and I would BANG THIS on my old school tube TV…I had never felt I NEEDED to buy music more than I did when I heard this song.
I had two paper routes at the time..I found out the name of the album, asked my mom to take me to Walmart and with my Journal Standard/Wednesday Advertiser money, I purchased my very first hip-hop album, A Tribe Called Quest – “Midnight Marauders”.
I pretty much studied this album. Even dubbed it on a tape to play in my walkman while riding my bike. I still to this day have the copy I bought and although a little rusty word for word, I can still rock this album! HA!
Who knew when The Tribe dropped this album on November 9th 1993 that it would literally change my life. I became a real hip-hop fan to this album. I was a fan of the MUSIC! Not how tough they were, how many units they sold and I NEVER heard this song on the radio [Partially because my town didn’t have a hip-hop station we could listen to] Award Tour and The Tribe found ME and from that moment on I became an official fan, supporter and collector of Hip-Hop Music.
One day I’m going to meet the Tribe [All 4 Members Lord Willing] and I want to just talk to them and thank them for putting out this album. It would truly mean the world to me just to see where they were mentally when recording and what their expectations were. I want to break down track for track why this album was what it was and revisit the Classic with its creators. That will be a Milestone for the @BehindTheRhyme brand no question!
Salute, Respect and Appreciation to A Tribe Called Quest! Phife Dawg, Ali Shaheed Muhammad, Q-Tip and Jarobi….A,E,I,O,U…and sometimes Y.
Here I am with nothing
Actually less than ever before
And I’m calm…
Calm because I know this isn’t the final destination
Calm because my life will have restoration
Calm because now there’s no need for hesitation
Calm because currency lies in my conversation
Calm cause I’m me
And I haven’t died yet
Knocked down, yes
And recently in duress
Steadfast in stress
Passion in my reach
The strength of my faith
Ignites the calm in me
Yesterday, I got news that I wouldn’t be taking on an opportunity that I thought I had in the bag. I thought it would be chapter 2 of my career path and a triumphant return. That thought is no longer real. I’ve been in an odd headspace since then. So many thoughts travel my mind and so many things are becoming clear.
The fact is, I needed the opportunity because I’m broke. Truly holding less than $0.00 as I type this. That opportunity was definitely for money first. Yeah, I love the game, but the paycheck in my mind was a necessity.
The other fact is my book is done. I’ve been having visions of interviews, going on a book tour, being live on stage and meeting people. The visions are vivid and feel real. I’m literally 2 steps away from those visions being a tangible reality.
I want to write full time. I’ve wished it. I’ve spoken it. My heart desires it. Maybe I didn’t get that opportunity because I’m getting what I really want. I asked and God is about to provide. The scary part is seeing it through. After all, life doesn’t stop. Things truly have gotten worse for me in some areas. The release of this book may be the “better”.
I’m not hurt or upset about the missed opportunity. I revamped my goal list and made it realistic to what I want out of life. It’s hard to explain, but I know I’ll be fine. Problem is convincing those around me. I really do think I’m going to be able to make a living creating content, writing and selling books. A great living at that. It just doesn’t look like it right now. The content I’m able to create will impact culture and improve my quality of life. I can’t explain it, but I feel it.
I knew years ago working a job for a company wasn’t really for me. Back then I had no real plan or product to transition to. Now, I can’t get a job I’m qualified for, over qualified for. The ones I’ve had didn’t utilize me in my greatest capacity or cost me what I was making to get to and from the job. All of this is happening while my first book is waiting on it’s cover to be completed. Some moments truly do write themselves.
Living In A Beautiful Disaster is on the way.
Maybe the route tried wasn’t right
Maybe the struggle is more nights
Perhaps things weren’t meant to be
Perhaps what I went for wasn’t my next reality
Would the grind take a back seat?
Would I have to conform and be sweet?
Would I bear the cold shoulder
If my momentum was asked to cease?
Patience is still my only virtue
Rock Bottom is never comfortable
The starving artist needs more than morsels
The fire to succeed rages in my torso
Now, I must set out to do the possible
The vision that was never the rejection
The flashes that play in my mind
The next success my resurrection
Maybe God was saying, No
Cause soon Son, you won’t have time
I’ve made this moment possible in your struggle
So nothing could block your shine
Go and do the possible
Only you are holding you back
You said you’d do this for life, right?
Well, start acting like you mean that
Good Morning! I hope your day starts great!
Yes! The title of my first book of poems will be called “Living In A Beautiful Disaster”. This title was picked for several reasons. One reason is because, it’s what I thought I was for many years. A Beautiful Disaster. A person who saw and wanted good, but for some reason always experienced bad in the end. It seemed like joy and pain were married in my life and I was destined to be doomed, but forced to be happy about it. I don’t want to use the wrong name or time, but I believe it all came to me while talking to a young lady that I was trying to be with. It may have become a time when I was trying too hard and possibly for the wrong reasons. We’ll talk more on that at another time.
Beyond that surface level reason, “The Beautiful Disaster” was an album idea I had that never happened. I never could find enough of the right beats nor afford them. Then when I got enough beats, money and recording became an issue. I didn’t want to just record it on my “home studio” because I had so many quality recordings years before. I have a piece of the intro in the book. The intro song was called “The Beautiful Disastrous”. There are some things that I felt were poetic and descriptive. Things that could marry the joy and pain I felt to a person reading or listening. It wasn’t until I added that piece that the book made sense and got it’s official title.
The book won’t be all heartache, pain and disaster. You’re going to get some beautiful things too. You going to get passion, fantasy and desire. You’re going to get lyricism, word play and creativity. You’re going to get some personal thoughts and unconscious art. Those are the reasons this book exist. When you purchase it and you read it, I want you to feel things. I want an emotional connection to some of these pieces. I want the energy to radiate off of the pages. So when you feel that, let me know.
Living In A Beautiful Disaster is for the writer, the poet, the hip-hop head and the artist. It knows no color, gender or boxed in societal boundary. It’s for the living out loud as much as it is for the dying inside. I know because I’ve been both many times in my life. Now, is my chance to share it with you. I look forward to this experience.
I promise the book is coming soon! Everything in my mind tells me on or before Christmas 2017. So we’ll stick with that. Thank you for reading and we’ll talk soon.