Today wasn’t the greatest day. It was spirit crushing to be honest with you. However, as I begin talking to myself as I was driving home I noticed something. Something very damaging. I noticed that I was just spewing so much negative about life. I let this morning explode into “that’s how life always is”. Then that turned into “why will life never change”. If I hadn’t been driving, I would have wrote something so hurtful and draining to my spirit that it probably would have made me burst into tears. I can’t do that. I can’t talk bad in my life when things don’t go well.
I can’t talk like I won’t move beyond the present. I can’t speak what it currently is like it will always be. I don’t believe that. I don’t feel that. So I can’t speak that way nor accept it. It’s hard. Really hard. I got to keep pushing though. I have to tell myself that I am content with life. That I am happy. That everything is getting better. I take responsibility for today and every other day. I did look at what could have been done differently. I made mistakes leading up to this day. I became a victim of a past error. That’s not the end of the world though. I can’t treat it that way. I’m just sincerely tired of having to “take the L”. I want to live so bad that the present feels like it could kill me. The thing I always have to remember is, it’s only if I let it.