If Not Now, When?

Been reading about different ways to make “extra money” or achieve “side hustle income” and it got instantly frustrating. What I am learning about myself is I’m checking off a lot of “side hustle boxes” and doing a good number of things that should be earning me more money…and it’s not. I literally am not reaping any benefits from all of the things I’m doing.

It’s crazy cause it feels like I’m making noise in the middle of the desert. Sure, you hear you and it’s obvious you are doing something, but who truly knows? Are you causing a shift? Are you making an impact? Are you seeing the kind of benefits you want from your actions?

Today, my answer to all 3 of those questions are, NO. The answer is no and I’m not so sure how to fix it. I would love for all of this to make sense. I would love to stop spinning my wheels, dedicating so much time and energy to things that are just not paying off. I want a breakthrough and right now I don’t care if the breakthrough leads me to stopping everything I’ve been working on or towards the last 10 or so years. I’m exhausted. I’m spent. I wish I had an answer to the question “When?”

I’m going to be 40 this decade. Somethings really got to give.

So, What’s Right?

The days seem really long. Even as I’m being productive, I worry. Worry that I’m not doing enough or doing the right things. Then again I’m not sure what to do. I’m not even sure who to talk to. To my knowledge no one I know has been in my position before. If they have, they haven’t shared it with me.

Trying to find the right balance of life right now. I want to go all in when this book is ready for print, but I am now thinking how is that possible if I am holding down a 50 hour a week job? How do you live when you know what you want to do and it interferes with what you have to do? Why does it feel like I’m standing still?

I want to and I am attempting to do all of the “right things”. However, no one around me can deny that the “right way things” aren’t paying off to my benefit right now. When I say “right way things” I mean getting a nice secure job and working for a check. I’m going to pray a little longer tonight after I read my goals. A breakthrough has to be on the way and fortunately, I have nothing else to do, but be patient. It’s crazy cause every time I thought I had next to nothing, a little more was taken from me. Now I really got to start focusing on everything I do have so I can gain in abundance.

Mindset training has been the ultimate challenge for me. I try everyday though, so I can always lean on that. I’m prepared for any new sacrifice to get the life I desire. Because I was designed to flourish, not get by.