I’ve learned to not over invest and make no expectations of people, moments and activities…But my truth will not be muted.
📸 by @sub.urban.vbz
I just let a person know that I am done hating them today. A person who I loathed for so long. A person who’s death was wanted and at one time I felt would grant me great solace. I know, I couldn’t believe I did it either. I tell you what though. It felt really good to do it. I felt some release of pressure and a regaining of power while crafting this letter and a great deal of closure when delivering it.
It’s wrong to hate and I knew that. I’ve always known that. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in the wrong that has been done to you and wanting retribution for those wrongs that you lose yourself and who you are supposed to be in the midst of the madness. I was definitely lost. My anger, fire and hatred would eat me alive and completely exhaust me.
I want to say it’s almost a year to the date when I had the conversation with my mom about this person. I told my mom, “I’m over all of this. The hating, arguing and fighting. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m going to focus on me and what matters most to me.” My mom was glad to hear me say that. Although I said it that day, I didn’t make the person aware of that. I will say when I made up in my mind that I would cease my hatred things changed. The change was within me. I became more relax, carefree and focused on my true task. The sight of this person and the sound of their voice wouldn’t ignite fury as it once did before. As I let go of more rage, hate, fury, anger and wrath, I began to see better. I also began to care less about that persons actions towards me. That gave me a sense of power. Power I don’t think I’ve felt with this person ever. That’s how I know it was the right thing to do.
This person and I won’t be friends. I’m working on 100% forgiveness, but will never ever forget the things this person made me feel. Those feelings consumed me and almost ruined my life. It’s why I’m in a state of mental repair. We’ll probably never have a relationship of trust, but God willing there will be some respect moving forward. No matter the future, I am at peace today. I have began to heal, by letting go and focusing on the things in life that really matter to me. I am empowered by slaying my internal hate and it’s beautiful.
Today has been a soul healing day. I feel good about the things I have done with my words and my expressions of gratitude today.
As I put the finishing touches on this book, I got a chance to go back in time and relive some great moments with some truly great people. People that I may have taken for granted in real time. People that were really turning my dreams into goals and were doing what they could to help me achieve them. It was something that I never analyzed and appreciated in real time. I say that because I ended up stopping my pursuit of that dream. It was about me and how I felt mentally and where I thought I should have been with my life and I stopped. No warning, no conversation just an extreme halt. That wasn’t right for me to do to the people that believed. It takes a special person to help you achieve something that only you see. That doesn’t happen often. I realize that more than ever right now.
I sent out thank you messages and letters with an apology today. I apologized because I don’t ever want generosity to be perceived as taken in vain. I don’t want these people to feel like I didn’t appreciate their work and sacrifice towards my goals and aspirations. My progress was in large part to them. I’m indebted to these people no matter what our current relationship is today.
This moment and this day, is going to be great content for another book I plan to do in the future. Right now, it’s all about my first one. A composition collection that blends my past and present with hopes of building a solid future. I’m beyond excited for you all to experience this. Whether you love or hate it, I adore you for giving it a chance. Talk soon.
I didn’t think I would think so hard about site and social media names until right now. As I prepare to make my return back to my favorite social platforms, I am strapped with the task of new social media handles that make sense. As always I don’t want to be boxed in and confined to a specific task. However, I understand that I sit in a spot currently not being known for anything.
I want something of my own, but would like for it to translate into my next career move as well. I also understand that using what I have now can develop what I can do later. I want something easy, catchy, memorable, yet unique, nostalgic and universal. I can come up with great names for anything but myself. It’s the most unexpected hard task I’ve had to conquer.
The words, phrases and numbers that come to mind are
See how I’m all over the place? I hate to make another change, but I’m just not satisfied with the setup of everything right now. I like it, but I’m not in love with it. The idea is to make it permanent. I definitely want it solidified before this book officially comes out. If you got solutions, I’m all ears. Email ImBigCamp@gmail.com Thanks!
What a great time to think clearly and believe in yourself. I went from working on one book. To starting two books. To having a book complete. To now adding what I feel are great enhancements to the completed book.
I’ll explain more about the book when I get in the publishing phase, but sitting and thinking of all of my writings in the past and how some of them are still relatable today made me really dig up some past work to share to a new audience. My previous years as a writer will be adjoined with the fresh new writings and poems of this year for one project that will represent me as a writer in the best possible manner. It also gave me the opportunity to do some reprises and deliver different concepts of both darkness and light.
My writing introduction is so important to me. I can’t just put out any project. I also don’t want my range and creativity to be lost.The first book I started has pretty heavy content. Heavy and niche. I don’t want to be confined to that box and have people misunderstand my thorough talent of writing. I want to show versatility, creativity and emotion for my first effort. I also want to give my future audience what I can do effortlessly. This completed book will be my first of many masterpieces. My babies. My art. I can’t wait for you all to see this. I want to open you up to the world that exist in my mind. This first effort will do a great job of that.
I have a little more to create before I consider this book complete. I can do that while I wait on the book’s cover art to be completed. Then, I contemplate marketing strategies. Talk soon!