As I close out my 30’s, I can only think about the previous 9 years and the expectations I had for myself. I won’t lie to you, by 39 I really thought I would be a millionaire. It’ hasn’t happened, but I think I have made the shift to put in the work to really make it happen within this next decade. Since I plan on being around for a long time, I have no problem with living my 40’s and 50’s in abundance.
At 29 I knew I would spend my entire 30’s being a father. This year with missing all my daughters games this season, my grandma passing and COVID-19, I’m on a mission to be a better father. Literally doing whatever it takes to make sure my daughter has more of my time and attention. I may be not so low-key suffering from separation anxiety and the only why I know how to cure is to really show her the best of me as much as possible.
Every single relationship I had with damn near every woman in my life changed drastically in my 30’s. Some positive, some negative and even some pending. I’m probably not the greatest friend, lover, son, spouse or enemy to all of them. At this stage of 39, I’m literally too selfish to give a fuck. Sorry. We’ll talk later, or not.
I can also confidently say, I’m not the same person I was on my 30th birthday. That can be deemed a positive or a negative based on who you talk to. The realest thing I can say is, I still want a lot of things at 39 that I wanted at 30. 31-38 helped me realize the changes and sacrifices I have to make to get them. I’m destined for a life of abundance and I look forward to sharing that with all the people that love me or could use an assist from me.
2020 has been rough. Part of me thinks on paper this may be viewed as one of the worst years of my life. What I can tell you for a fact is that I am still inspired and I truly believe that something great is going to happen for me this year! I know what I want and I’m no longer stopping at the halfway point to get. I’m going all in! Pass or fall, I’m here to risk it all in every aspect just to say I did it the best way I knew how; My way. It won’t be pretty. People will have their opinions. What I won’t give anybody is the final vote on the decisions of my 1 life.
It is indeed a happy birthday to me.
I’m in an odd space today. My grandma passed this year and honestly, a lot of my personal life has come tumbling down with that moment. She’s gone, my Mom and I got into it over a personal matter and although there’s been no hostile angry or bitter exchange, my daughter’s mother and I don’t have the greatest relationship.
On this Mother’s Day, I’m going to take the time out to look in the mirror. Understand where I’m falling short. Looking at what I want and how I go about getting it. Where is my focus? How can I build and maintain better relationships with women? Sometimes making yourself the common denominator is the only way you will reach true resolution.
With that being said, let me think on what to do with my time today. Let that time to think today make me better for tomorrow.
If you are a mom or if you’re expecting to be a mom, Happy Mother’s Day. You perform a beautiful act of God and we should respect, love and secure you because of that alone. Condolences to everyone who has lost their mom or the mother in their life. I know a day like this or any other special day can’t be easy. A sincere prayer for you to cope will be said by me today.
Happy Sunday. Happy Mother’s Day. Love
Man, how the tide can turn
The world of social media
Can turn reality upside down
The quest for likes shares and follows
Attention, acknowledgement and praise
Filters washing the blemishes
Photoshop clearing the haze
Too much consumption
Will put your mind in an ugly place
The girl that once confidently stood
On the please don’t inbox
And Never is when I would
Will be in the reactions and thread
Of that very same man
Cause that recognition feels too good
That man that shoots his shot
Like open gym with no attendees
Is ridiculed, screenshot and posted
Until his wedding day pics with his queen
Man, how the tide can turn
How the emotion changes or fades
A world that promotes you should post consistently
While humans evolve any hour in a day
Your incoherent nature
Aloofness to your surroundings and interactions
The table that turns only to your right
Or things will go left with spite
The victimhood you maintain
Residing in “Hoax Valley” with only others to carry the blame
In the mirror with no reflection
Unseen, unheard but still professing