It’s been a rough few weeks if I’m being honest. I have a really big and tough decision to make and no matter what I’m going to lose something. What’s wild is, I didn’t think the loss would feel like this.
I’m mentally behaving out of character. I am not who I need to be right now. I am in somewhat of a daze and I need to get my peace of mind in order. I’ve been praying, meditating and somedays I feel good. Others, not so much. I guess that’s how reality is. Any moment of any day you can go from a an extreme high to an instant low. You may feel so down that you can’t get back up. What’s definite is that it’s all for a reason. A better purpose that you can’t see. A greater good that is not recognizable at the moment.
In my heart, I know I’m doing the right thing. Sometimes you got to do the right thing even if it means doing it all on your own. Maybe I wasn’t as unhappy as I thought I was. Maybe I just adjusted to a routine. Maybe my decision with action will be the defining moment of clarity.
I pray that it is.
I want new things and new experiences…and it may cost everything I have right now.
As a writer, environment is everything. Where you are, what you see and who’s around all determine what comes out. There was a period of time where I would go to a Starbucks and just create. It was cool because I wouldn’t go to the same one all the time. It would be on different sides of the city, sometimes different counties or suburbs, but the experiences were unique. That uniqueness would inspire different ideas and results.
Lately, I just write at home or jot ideas down at work. It works, but I’m not constantly stimulated to write and the ideas kind of fizzle out. I have 3 books I am working on and I would like to finish them. No particular order, just get them done so I can move forward. I’m thinking about taking some time to venture out, post up somewhere and write again. I should probably stop thinking and just do it. Getting that new interaction, driving to that place, ordering that item and getting in a zone might be just the thing I need.
For disrupting my routine, even a small thing like this will help.
Today starts a week of me doing things differently to get the mental stimulation to keep my creativity up. I’m going to talk to someone or drive somewhere or do something to cause a shift in my mind.
It’s a positive self indulging mission all week. Let’s stir this pot!
If you keep waiting till the year change, you could die.
Spirit wondering what could have been as your lifeless body lies.
Wishing you wouldn’t have waited since no man or woman knows their time.
A memory, an RIP, a teary-eyed goodbye…
If you wait till the ball drops then you drop to your knees…
Clutching your heart, stopping the party, a face of grit in sheer agony
What will the rest of your year be? Will it even be?
Are you really going to wait and see?
Your “soon I’ll start” mission no longer your destiny…
Your new year is now. Create your wanted season of change.
Be what you want, be what you saw and foreseen today.
Cause you can make plans for next week
And die before the end of today.
How long will you wait? Cause you didn’t plan to die today.
Image by DarkWorkX from Pixabay