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5:23 In My Chair

Sometimes failure is a reminder of the progress that is still needed in your life…

Self Disappointment

I’m in the process of altering and canceling my weekend plans. Trying to do the right thing and the smart thing is leading to a severe let down. I’m trying not to beat myself up over this, but I have nowhere to look but in the mirror.

I really have to change my life and circumstance. I’m so tired of this. I feel like a loser right now. This is a real fail. A fail in the category I hate to fail in the most. The only thing I am clinging to is the fact that I am going to find someway to make this happen. Just not on the day I wanted it to happen. I had to make a decision. A decision that was bigger than myself. A decision that was meant to break the cycle that I was once stuck in. While I want to applaud myself for making what I truly believe is the right decision, I’m disappointed in what the right decision effects. I never want to let certain people down. I never want to “can’t do” for certain people. I’m truly not where I want to be and this is just a reminder of that. I have to continue to push and thrive until this struggle is non-existent.

My mission is to never have to make this decision again. To be able to handle it all and then some. This is the very last time I cancel, change and alter for the reasons I had to today.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Over 11,000/11-17-18

Today will mark a very hurtful day in my life…

It’s hard to be patient when you have nothing. It’s hard to believe in your dreams and make goals when you are drowning in your own life’s circumstance.

All the things I’ve tried to do. All the people I’ve listened to. All the faith I’ve had and all the praying I have done and I’m here.

All the free work. All the cheap work. All the looking out and connecting of others. All the information I’ve provided and I’m here.

My spirit and ambition is crushed. I don’t know if I believe in God or people. All I know is I can’t do this anymore. It’s time for me to really take control of my life. It’s time I stop giving. I have nothing left. I currently feel like I am nothing. I don’t know what to do and I don’t have anyone to to turn to.

This truly is one of the worst days of my life. It’s the day where even I couldn’t take care of myself,

Lifestyle Goal Failure

July really kicked my butt and it’s not even over. I’ve already spent several days of failing, sometimes subconsciously. I haven’t been on my A game and I’m showing and seeing signs and side effects of it.

July has definitely been a month of great difficulty. What I won’t do is “give up” or feel I need to start over. What I will do is make it a point today to throw all of my positive energy towards these same lifestyle goals and get stronger. What I’m going to do is sacrifice more, even if it hurts. I won’t be who I want to be doing what I’ve done before. I must be uncomfortable to get to the comfort that I foresee. The ultimate lesson here is what happens when you get knocked down and things don’t go as planned. What do you do? I definitely know what I can’t do.

I can’t lay down and accept defeat. I will persevere. I will triumph. I will emerge victorious and great!

Don’t give up on yourself! Whatever you are planning or actually doing, don’t stop. When you reach a setback, plan to comeback and make that comeback stronger than ever! You are depending on you! Here’s to both of us starting right where we stand. In the midst of our progress and fresh out of our pitfall. Let’s keep pushing!

Do The Possible…

Maybe the route tried wasn’t right
Maybe the struggle is more nights
Perhaps things weren’t meant to be
Perhaps what I went for wasn’t my next reality

Would the grind take a back seat?
Would I have to conform and be sweet?
Would I bear the cold shoulder
If my momentum was asked to cease?

Patience is still my only virtue
Rock Bottom is never comfortable
The starving artist needs more than morsels
The fire to succeed rages in my torso

Now, I must set out to do the possible
The vision that was never the rejection
The flashes that play in my mind
The next success my resurrection

Maybe God was saying, No
Cause soon Son, you won’t have time
I’ve made this moment possible in your struggle
So nothing could block your shine

Go and do the possible
Only you are holding you back
You said you’d do this for life, right?
Well, start acting like you mean that