A Father’s Place

I just got off the phone with my daughter and we had a moment that went deeper than normal. For the first time in a while, she opened up to me and let me know about some things that had happened to her and how she was feeling. She shared with me a bullying experience, but she also stopped because she didn’t want to be sad again. Those were her exact words and they stung a little bit. I became anxious and deeply concerned.

It lead to me explaining that she looks “more like me” than a lot of students in her class and that I actually know about being in that position. I also told her to never ever feel that the way she looks makes her “less than” or “weird” or anything else that an insecure or hurtful child might tell her.

The story did end somewhat positively, but I never want my daughter to feel hurt or feel like she can’t talk about her joy or her pain to me. I pleaded for her to call and talk to me no matter the time of the day. I told her if she’s having a bad day at school or something happens to her that she should tell me. I also told her if she’s having an amazing day I want to hear about it. I told her although I don’t live with her or in the same state that I want her to always feel that she can come to me and that I am here for her. She’s only 8, but I really took my time and feel I used the appropriate words and tone to convey my sincerity.

I never really talked to my father, ever! I don’t want to be that father. No matter the situation with her mother, I want her to know that I am accessible. I have care, concern and want to be involved in every aspect of her life. From now on, I’m going to request more detail. I need more than “good” or “ok” for her answers. I now realize that she may be going through a lot and feel she has no one to really talk to. I want to be that someone for her forever. I just hope i’m going about it the right way.

I Wrote A Letter To My Daughter

This morning, I wrote a letter. I didn’t workout. I didn’t meditate. I just started writing. I did because my mind was too congested with my fatherhood and parenting dilemmas. It makes me angry at times. I was brushing my teeth, talking to myself and angry. Angry with myself, but I know things will be ok if I just weather the storm and continue to make the best out of my unfortunate circumstance.

I wrote a letter to my daughter today. It was explaining why things are the way they are. I admitted my faults, flaws and told my truth. I also let her no why my presence is minimal. She’s only 8 so I can’t send it to her now, but I dated it just as a constant reminder of how long I wanted to tell her the things on my mind about everything. Also to let her know long before she was old enough to truly understand, I’ve been wanting to talk to her about this situation.

I don’t know when I’ll send this letter. I want to make sure it’s age appropriate for her to digest. I also want to make sure that after she reads it, we really talk about it and our lives. Cause the ultimate goal is to get closer and make our bond greater. I want her to know I’ll never give up on our relationship and that she really means the world to me.

I don’t have everyday and multiple hours, but I will always make the most of my time; But it’s so much deeper than saying that.

Reflecting on A Cool Daddy Moment

Even if for only a few hours, the time I have with my daughter fills my heart with so much joy. She means the world to me and I would do anything for her. We have such a great time and I need to do all I can to have more of those times.

Really going to miss my Punkinhead…Until next time.