How can I believe in God and only pray to get by?
It’s been a trying few days, but I woke up feeling better. I woke up ready to get back to the new routines that I have started and with a more positive outlook than I’ve had lately.
In the midst of my financial troubles, personal struggles and internal thoughts, I doubted God and the existence of him or her. I’ve had moments where I have truly hated life and the feeling of never getting over or winning felt very real. I was beyond defeated. I was stuck. Mentally in a trance and numb to the pain. Unable to truly cry or react effectively.
As all those things happen, I see a FB post from a person I know that had been going through similar struggles previously. And how through all of his lows he stayed believing and stayed faith filled. I was reading his words as if I wrote them myself cause I too was in the midst of some of the same storms. Do I know when it will end? No. I just hope that it’s soon. I want it to be over, but its’ not on me to determine when.
Anger won’t help. Hate won’t help. Crying won’t help. Drinking won’t help, but continuing to work and being in the mindset of high faith will. It’s so hard to do that when you look back on your life and know better times. It’s even worse when you can see even better than those times in your mind, but reality is showing you different.
I’m alive and able to go for my dreams another day. Yeah, life be messed up sometime, but I’ll be alright. After all, I told myself I was great. I told myself, I can’t be stopped. So it’s time I start listening to myself and get back to being all I am, so I can achieve everything I see.
God. I have shunned and doubted you. I am sorry. I’m just so hurt and frustrated that the bad has hit harder than the good lately. You’ve hit me with so much good recently that I shouldn’t even be focused on the bad. Again I am sorry. I’m back to working and being patient. You know what I want and obviously I’m not ready for it yet. Please continue to prepare me for that time. In your name. Amen.
Often times I would wonder “man, why has no one noticed me?” How come I don’t have the connections? How come no one is extending a hand to help me?
Looking back it’s because I wasn’t ready and it wasn’t my time. Also could mean that path wasn’t for me. I believe that your passion will make anything consistent and effortless. As I dial back and shift my focus on 3 things, I’m aware that those things have become part of my everyday subconsciously. It’s now a piece of my daily/weekly routine. Now it’s time to double down on them and make them something special to more than just me.
I thank God for my struggle and frustration. I thank God for the uncertainty and the the anxiety of “trying to make it”. I thank him cause it forced me to have focus and remain consistent. I was a man of many hats that could do anything. It got to the point no one knew what to call me and wasn’t sure what I could do. As I dial back it’s clear what I do and the consistent focus backs it up. I wouldn’t have learned that if everything I did just took off and people couldn’t wait to hop on board and ride out with me.
So God, thank you. I appreciate the lesson. Now, let’s make a life of no regrets.
I’ve reached a standstill. I am really trying to figure out how I am going to break certain cycles, get over the hump and find my clear and destined path. I ask God for a lot. I probably ask him for too much. It occurred to me the one thing I hardly ever try, is listening to God.
Maybe it’s time for me to be still and take in a word about what’s next. Maybe God is trying to give me the answer to what I should do, but I’m not listening. My mind may be so congested because all I hear is my thoughts, fears and have nots and he’s not getting through the commotion. So I’m officially surrendering all of that. I’m not focusing on my thoughts anymore. I’m focusing on his direction. I’ll make the changes and sacrifices, because I want to be great and successful so bad. I want it bad enough to kill or die for it. So it’s time to start listening.
God. You know what I want in this life. I’ve told you my hopes, dreams and desires. I’m here to listen to your direction now. I want to work with you, not against you. I want to stay in the fight for you, not against you. I want change. I want to inspire. I want to be great and help. I can’t do any of that without you.
God, thank you. Thank you for all that you have done so far in my life, even with my poor listening habits. Now I am here to listen and be lead. Help me get my life in order and be everything I know I can be.
Thank you. Amen.
Maybe I Don’t Believe In God Enough…
How could I while thinking My destiny is in my own hands
Like I’m going to pull the strings to solely create my desired reality
Like I’m truly in control of the narratives true or fallacy
Maybe I don’t believe in God Enough…
Faith fails in the midst of worry
The wonders of why others succeeded and how should scurry
Cause what’s meant for me is to focus and keep working
I Don’t believe in God enough…
Because when I left that job, I got scared
I felt devalued and too weird
No clue how to get more
And walked consumed with silent fears
I didn’t trust his process
Block out the nonsense
Prepare myself for a better day
Understand that “He Got This”
When I believed in God enough…
Great passions were revealed
Foggy paths became clear
The right people reach out
I started conquering self doubt
Found new life to create
Knew I was down but not done and out
Do I believe in God enough???
I’d have to say such
Now it’s time to know what happens
When I believe in God too much…
In God We Trust…Check Everyone Else.