I haven’t had the best visits to Freeport since my Grandma’s been sick and gone, but I know I have to get better at visiting her every time I arrive and leave here.
Today I apologized to her. I know I’ve messed up and I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do. I then promised her that I would do better. Emotionally, financially, family and relationship wise; all of it! I’m going to improve starting today.
I know she’s with me everyday but I wanted to get as close to her physical form as possible today. It’s hard to speak to her without crying. It’s hard to lose the only person you feel loves you and cares. I never thought life would be this way, but I won’t give up because it is.
Today is a day of rededication. A rededication to my gift, my purpose and my growth.
Thanks for the talk, Grandma. I love you.
I’ve been going out of my way to make myself happy since my birthday week and it’s hands down lead to the greatest weekend on the year! That’s saying a lot during a pandemic on top of losing my greatest listener and my personal life being in complete shambles!
I deprived myself of happiness in many ways and I didn’t even notice how visible it was. I like the fact that people are telling me “you look happy” or “It’s great to see you smiling”. I was obviously very depressed with high anxiety to kick off this year and I was in need. The need was so high that I began to feel hurt and that hurt made me act out in a couple ways I shouldn’t have.
Even though, it’s probably not recommended, I began to isolate myself. I stayed with my thoughts until it became it clear. Can’t front, dabbling more with edibles and vapes helped a great deal too! Then, I started leaning on the people around me that wanted to be leaned on. I found new listeners! People that care and want to help with what I’m going through and not just throw at me what they need, want or expect too. Those talks helped me make some decisions. Those talks help me make some apologies. Those talks helped me find peace within myself and left a path for me to start making myself happy.
I learned this year that I am the only person that has me as a top priority and that’s okay. I’m not going to cry or act like a bitch because I’m not number 1 on somebody’s list; That’s not how it’s supposed to go. Truth be told I should be 2nd on my own list because I was taught to put God first. I learned all about the weight carried of people who demand to be first in your life but don’t want or even care to consistently give you what you need. The power struggle of conforming in an effort to get a subpar inconsistent version of your wants and needs is exhausting. Tasting the freedom from that is euphoric!
It’s still a lot of year left and I’m going to do some great things. I’ve let everything go and put it firmly in God’s hands. It’s the absolute best decision I made all year.
Exactly 1 year ago today, I was in pretty bad shape. If I remember right I had over indulged on Brats and Chicken and needless to say I was feeling it. The day of, I was fine. The two days after I felt completely out of the game. I had unbelievable aches and pains. It was unexplainable, but what I definitely was sure of was it was all linked to the foods I was eating. I know through some of my social media posts some people didn’t believe me. Even laughed at the notion that food could be causing aches and pains in my body, but I knew it was fact. The only way to prove it was by discipline and elimination.
It was on this day, I made the decision to stop eating fast food and ground beef. Along with that came the decision to drastically cut my pork consumption and dairy as well. With these changes along with cutbacks on fried foods, chicken and red meat, I increased my intake of fruits and vegetables. What I would find is the pain leaving my body slowly and undeniable internal changes. I was healing, with no medical treatment, pills or creams.
Along with the above I started reading up on holistic healing, medical marijuana and the positives of CBD oil. I came to some very eye opening revelations. I’ll talk about those at a later time.
Today, I want to take time to pat myself on the back for a job well done on a journey that is far from complete. I listened to my body and made the changes it was telling me to make and as a result of that, my pain has been minimal to nonexistent way more than half of the last 365 days. I say that and I’ve had a hernia surgery that put me at half speed for about 4 weeks.
I’m no Vegan, but adopting more plants to my lifestyle, eliminating fast food and eating meat sometimes no more than 5 times a month have served as great positives for my health. I can safely say that I am stronger and healthier today than I was at 25 and feeling no more pain.