Visiting Grandma

I haven’t had the best visits to Freeport since my Grandma’s been sick and gone, but I know I have to get better at visiting her every time I arrive and leave here.

Today I apologized to her. I know I’ve messed up and I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do. I then promised her that I would do better. Emotionally, financially, family and relationship wise; all of it! I’m going to improve starting today.

I know she’s with me everyday but I wanted to get as close to her physical form as possible today. It’s hard to speak to her without crying. It’s hard to lose the only person you feel loves you and cares. I never thought life would be this way, but I won’t give up because it is.

Today is a day of rededication. A rededication to my gift, my purpose and my growth.

Thanks for the talk, Grandma. I love you.

Over 11,000/11-17-18

Today will mark a very hurtful day in my life…

It’s hard to be patient when you have nothing. It’s hard to believe in your dreams and make goals when you are drowning in your own life’s circumstance.

All the things I’ve tried to do. All the people I’ve listened to. All the faith I’ve had and all the praying I have done and I’m here.

All the free work. All the cheap work. All the looking out and connecting of others. All the information I’ve provided and I’m here.

My spirit and ambition is crushed. I don’t know if I believe in God or people. All I know is I can’t do this anymore. It’s time for me to really take control of my life. It’s time I stop giving. I have nothing left. I currently feel like I am nothing. I don’t know what to do and I don’t have anyone to to turn to.

This truly is one of the worst days of my life. It’s the day where even I couldn’t take care of myself,