I recently had a conversation that made me rethink some things I thought I wanted and some of the people I felt I wanted around.
In this one life that we live, we are going to do and experience right and wrong. There will come a time in our lives when we all will do right and will do wrong. The thought of the week for me; I don’t want to be around any person that swears they have done no wrong ever. That’s not even realistic in life.
It’s so much talk about “vibes” “energy” and “protecting peace” but there are people out there that post all that and never see the error in their own ways and actions. Maybe your energy is being affected because of the way you talk to people. Maybe the vibe is different for you because people are tired of you looking at everybody else but yourself for all your internal and external issues and shortcomings. Maybe your peace isn’t protected because you’re moving different, keeping secrets, looking funny in the light and you’re not as 100 as you think you are. Even if you’re on point 85% of the time; The 15% still counts against you. No one is exempt from that basic math.
Not everything can be fixed with an apology. The action of changed behavior is always needed and respected more; But when you encounter a person that absolves themselves from any and all error and wrong doing; It may be best to leave them in their own ignorant bliss.
I’m in a very anxious mood. I want to make a move, but I’m not exactly secure about the future. It’s hard to break away of the employee mindset and worker mentality. Somedays I’m not so confident that I can go out there and make my own money and that being enough to live comfortably.
Second guessing and living with a hint of anxiety will play major tricks on you. It’s hard to tell if you’re coming or going and what your destination is at times.
What I need is a mental break, from everything. I’ve been having to do a lot of thinking about a lot of different aspects of life and it’s honestly draining me in ways I didn’t expect. Now I feel bombarded all at once. Happiness starts from within and that is the largest step to success.
So man! It’s been a minute right? I’ve been trying to stay off of my public safe space because I’ve been in several moods and emotions and to be real; It’s not quite ready for even my public safe space yet.
I’m still thinking about my grandma. I have new thoughts about my personal life. I have a new mindset on self care. It’s a lot going on in my mind to say the absolute least. I’m going to try and pump out a little art to y’all though. Maybe a few writings will help me get back into a better mental space.
Hope everybody is taking the quarantine seriously. At the same time I hope blacks and latinos aren’t co-signing every word that is being said about us and the coronavirus on the news. Always keep in your mind we as a delegation went from “Black folks can’t catch the coronavirus” to the news now telling us 50% of all coronavirus deaths are black people. That’s not some coincidental news to me. AmeriKKKa has been capitalizing off of Black Fear for a long time. Don’t think they wouldn’t do it during a pandemic.
Whether you are staying busy or just staying safe, good for you. Don’t get wrapped up in people telling you what you got to do or work on right now. You supposed to do you. That’s the only thing that matters right now. As long as you are doing that, all will remain well.
Well, Let me attempt to tell my life colorfully so I can relax and finally get into Snowfall.
Be Safe, wear mask and wash your entire body thoroughly…and your clothes. Love!
My grandma was the realist friend I ever had on earth…I learned so much from her. She’s forever with me and I know it’s on me to step in ever aspect of life.
Since her service, the only song on my mind has been “Praise Him” (Jesus Blessed Savior) and her performing it every Sunday. Although I was extremely shy to get up and sing in church in front of everyone, I loved when she sang this when she lead devotion. She believed every word of this and she would make you feel every word. I can still hear her ad-libs in my head. Today is the first day I was able to listen to it without crying. That’s a good start. I doubt I’ll ever be over this emotionally but I hope to be stronger and better through it all
I don’t know how I’m going to do what I have to do now, but I’m going to do it. I don’t know why the new moves and ideas are on my mind, but it feels good to have them in my spirit. My guess is God is still moving for me and my Grandma is pointing down saying, “That’s my Grandson. Help him out with some direction if you could.” I want to keep doing the things that make you proud of me. Even at your visitation, I can feel you still looking out for me. If angels are real, I have the greatest one.
Thank you, Grandma. I’ll love you forever and hope to talk to you soon.