I sit and think
A blank stare over my face
Nothing is louder than my thoughts
My mind is crafting a plan
To complete life’s race
It’s a marathon of endurance, persistence and patience
One of strides, moderate speeds and sudden accelerations
You may crash…
But maintenance and repair will keep you sturdy
Although you complete
You never hope to finish too early
My marathon has me limping
No water in quick reach
Knees sore and back tight
Dry mouth with no speech
I want to win so bad
I’d hit the ground and roll if I have to
I’ve been beaten more than the path
That I step through for refuge
It is what it is…
I’m barely 5 miles in…
Where is my Success and Happiness?
Will I forever be stuck?
What can I sell right now?
To handle some business this month
Are these four walls getting to me?
What mental break am I in search of?
The chains of life are weighing me down
My list of goals will help me lift up
What can I sacrifice?
Will it ever be enough?
How can I let it go?
Is everything truly enough?
Pleasure, Pain and Sorrow
Hope, Change and tomorrow
Fight, Right and Cry
Live, Breathe or Die…
If you do it for the money you won’t prosper
I say without the money
How can you do anything?
I know I shouldn’t be trying to get to the next stop
But sometimes just getting by
Is the closest thing
Gangstarr was right
It is hard to earn
Through every loss in my life
I’ve found things to learn
I’m not asking for ease
I’m asking to see
A better way to proceed
Not a permanent leave
As I stick to the plan
And keep it about prosperity
I pray for the strength
To withstand till clarity
Here I am with nothing
Actually less than ever before
And I’m calm…
Calm because I know this isn’t the final destination
Calm because my life will have restoration
Calm because now there’s no need for hesitation
Calm because currency lies in my conversation
Calm cause I’m me
And I haven’t died yet
Knocked down, yes
And recently in duress
Steadfast in stress
Passion in my reach
The strength of my faith
Ignites the calm in me
Maybe the route tried wasn’t right
Maybe the struggle is more nights
Perhaps things weren’t meant to be
Perhaps what I went for wasn’t my next reality
Would the grind take a back seat?
Would I have to conform and be sweet?
Would I bear the cold shoulder
If my momentum was asked to cease?
Patience is still my only virtue
Rock Bottom is never comfortable
The starving artist needs more than morsels
The fire to succeed rages in my torso
Now, I must set out to do the possible
The vision that was never the rejection
The flashes that play in my mind
The next success my resurrection
Maybe God was saying, No
Cause soon Son, you won’t have time
I’ve made this moment possible in your struggle
So nothing could block your shine
Go and do the possible
Only you are holding you back
You said you’d do this for life, right?
Well, start acting like you mean that
Good Morning! I hope your day starts great!
Yes! The title of my first book of poems will be called “Living In A Beautiful Disaster”. This title was picked for several reasons. One reason is because, it’s what I thought I was for many years. A Beautiful Disaster. A person who saw and wanted good, but for some reason always experienced bad in the end. It seemed like joy and pain were married in my life and I was destined to be doomed, but forced to be happy about it. I don’t want to use the wrong name or time, but I believe it all came to me while talking to a young lady that I was trying to be with. It may have become a time when I was trying too hard and possibly for the wrong reasons. We’ll talk more on that at another time.
Beyond that surface level reason, “The Beautiful Disaster” was an album idea I had that never happened. I never could find enough of the right beats nor afford them. Then when I got enough beats, money and recording became an issue. I didn’t want to just record it on my “home studio” because I had so many quality recordings years before. I have a piece of the intro in the book. The intro song was called “The Beautiful Disastrous”. There are some things that I felt were poetic and descriptive. Things that could marry the joy and pain I felt to a person reading or listening. It wasn’t until I added that piece that the book made sense and got it’s official title.
The book won’t be all heartache, pain and disaster. You’re going to get some beautiful things too. You going to get passion, fantasy and desire. You’re going to get lyricism, word play and creativity. You’re going to get some personal thoughts and unconscious art. Those are the reasons this book exist. When you purchase it and you read it, I want you to feel things. I want an emotional connection to some of these pieces. I want the energy to radiate off of the pages. So when you feel that, let me know.
Living In A Beautiful Disaster is for the writer, the poet, the hip-hop head and the artist. It knows no color, gender or boxed in societal boundary. It’s for the living out loud as much as it is for the dying inside. I know because I’ve been both many times in my life. Now, is my chance to share it with you. I look forward to this experience.
I promise the book is coming soon! Everything in my mind tells me on or before Christmas 2017. So we’ll stick with that. Thank you for reading and we’ll talk soon.