What’s…

What’s real?
The person trying to avoid contact?
Trying to to suppress feelings cause of how you’ll react
Or the person who fearlessly lives out loud with no regret
Take the heart ache or rejection and still prepares for what’s next?

What’s honest?
Saying what you felt when it’s too late?
Or speaking ahead of date to make sure things straight
Same delivery no matter the circumstance
Behind closed doors, not for the admiration of fans

What’s pain?
A subject of circumstance?
Discomfort from reality and thought plans?
A scar, a scab a wound, a puncture
A word, a tongue, a strike
A want, a hunger

What’s success?
A variable
5 artist with same canvas and colors
But not one picture presented is similar to others

What’s living?
The opposite of surviving
The feeling after grinding
The doing over trying

What’s life?
Anything you want and put your mind to
The best and worst of times
Will you fall or pull through?

What’s anything you want in this life?
Everything you can imagine or fathom
No matter if your atrocious or handsome
You got until your casket or cremation
To contribute and birth a nation
Time is the endless tool that can’t be wasted

Image by PRAIRAT FHUNTA from Pixabay

To Be Free…

I just want to be free
In control of my path and destiny
Able to search, go and roam as I please
No restrictions just God and Me

A caged bird will sing
A temporary tune
But will long to soar
Near the captivating moon
To be high above
A height known by only a few
Delighting in its ability to freely move

To be free
I want to be
Separated, detached, disconnected and unseen
Growing and changing at only my speed
Alone where my thoughts only effect me

What does it mean to be free?
Spiritually, Emotionally or Financially?
Is it the life of the party?
Or the lone man frolicking?

Maybe I am free
Free to escape in my mind
Take myself to many places
No explanation just reside

I long to be free…

What’s The Move…

I don’t belong here…
But where should I go…

I don’t belong in a quad 5 days
Clicking, typing, calling
Slowly wasting away
Sure it pays and I’m thankful
But this isn’t the way
It’s just not my destined path
So I’m planning an escape

I don’t belong in the place I call home
I never did…
That’s why it’s so easy to roam
And half check-in
It made me who I am but it’s time to move on
I still want to help and will
But as a resident…No.

I don’t belong here…
City number 3 and it’s clear
It’s deeper than “tough times”
There’s no connection here

Sporadic inspiration
Kool aid budget executions
Wanting but having to wait
Not seeing true success as I view it

It’s just hard to do it
When the feeling ain’t exuberant
And your heart is pulling you somewhere
And you’re asking “Where” to it

Don’t confuse my words and views
Cause what’s not great for me
Can be the world to you
I’m crafting an escape
Not sitting with excuse

I don’t belong here…
Well…
What’s the move?

Image by intographics from Pixabay

At My Desk…

I’m here, on time, putting in the work and unfulfilled
I have no problem with the task or most of the people
I just don’t want to be here

I do enjoy the sports talk and positivity
The jokes and camaraderie
The free food and holiday gifting
But this life just isn’t me

I’m feeling the urge to leap
Like a toddler on a playground step
No fear and pure delight on my face
As I enjoy the simplicity of what’s next

The fear in my chest has dissipated
The new courage to live emancipated
My mind wandering like the pollen of spring
Knowing anywhere I could happily be

I want to create, earn and do for me
I want to live breathe and truly see
A life that some do and many read
The power of knowing I work for me

April 27 2019…

Today I watched the snow turn to rain…
As it hit me I contemplated what it truly means
Leaving the gym fired up it made seek
This level of expression and poetry

Two of God’s creations clashing
Only set to survive
As I looked at my hoodie
And the surface around
It’s wonder stayed on my mind

When we fall we change
Maybe not as solid but still strong
We adjust and exist
We get through and move along

I watched the snow turn in to rain today
It brought feeling and connection
It was cold the day I fell
But the landing changed my perception

Life Would Be Easier…

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Life would be easier, if I didn’t think I was so great.
If I didn’t see wealth, health and happiness in my future.
It’d be easier if I didn’t challenge thought and authority.
But how can I not?

You’re talking to someone who thinks
They’re on the same level and playing filed as the vets, legends and pioneers on day 1.
The only difference is, I seen their greatness but they haven’t seen mine.
I believe in my ability to be an unbelievable asset to any process.
I hate resistance but live for confrontation.
That’s why it’s difficult for me.

My inner being is rebellious and revolutionary.
I come in a package that’s easy on the eyes and my charisma and aura make some uncomfortable.
It may sound like I’m full of myself, but ask yourself this question.
Have you ever been so outspoken you’ve been asked to humble yourself?
Been denied an opportunity but still requested for help?

Have you made a mark someone has tried to diminish or erase?
Have you wanted compensation more than credit and still didn’t win that race?

I think I’m sexy AF and ahead of my time
My goal is to be remembered as one of this generations most brilliant minds
I find comfort in myself and don’t seek crowds for shine
So imagine how I come off to people that run 9 to 5’s?

Hell, if I don’t big up myself who will?
Not the people messaging or texting me to say “Yo, you killed!”

I’m just saying, tell someone that don’t know me
Tell one of your wealthy, always looking to invest homies
Tell someone I been at this consistently
Tell someone without some form of contingency

See that’s what it be
Oh, Cam might get scorching hot and forget about me
Fuck dude. He’s so smart he’ll figure it out
What I’ve learned is expect yourself to always hold you down

In this game of clout chasing to “put yourself on”
I was practicing in the gym before you put shoes on
Frustration made me diversify and feel a bit sour
I continue to work
Patiently waiting for my 10,000th hour

Yeah my budget is trash and I have no couch to crash on
I don’t have time to party and BS
And I don’t have a team of hungry cats
Or a relative who is that “On”

And I’m not under 25
But it’s a blessing to be alive
Because if life was easy for me
I would have quit trying May of 0-9

It’s the curse of knowing your not regular
And people seeing it with envy
It’s knowing your phone will ring more
Once the day comes that you been envisioning

I’m going to be the bad guy who didn’t help enough
I’m going to be the asshole who words were just too rough
I’ll be labeled as difficult and that dealing with me it tough

Life would be easier if I was like them…but then no one give a fuck.