Sometimes I wonder where I would be and how many friends I would have if I lied to people. It seems that’s what people truly want sometimes. We often speak about honesty, truth, realness and loyalty but how many people truly live it?
What I’ve learned in life through all the friends and family relationships that are now strained and estranged is that people love for you to be honest and real until it’s time to be really honest with them. You can not cuss or use disparaging words. Your tone can be calm and your words clear and direct and they will still scream bloody murder. The tears will still flow and you will still be the Villain that victimizes and hurt them to the core .
Is it worth it? Honestly, I don’t know. Human emotion wants peace, love and harmony. Integrity needs truth and high moral fabric with no deviation. I also don’t believe we are meant to be loved by the world. I believe there’s a deceptive practice in place if “everyone loves you”. I have love for so many yet only have received loved from few in return. Doesn’t stop me from being what my spirit tells me is right. I move the way I move so I can sleep well and look myself in the mirror with no shame or regrets.
As I write this I think of all the people who called me friend or met my palm with warmth and positivity. Those who said they loved me, had my back or that I meant the world to them. I think of them because I don’t see many of them anymore. I have no idea where they are, what they are doing and how the relationship got here. Crazy how life works. Some of the people who you never thought you’d be without, you now may never see again. And that feeling may be mutual.
How real was that moment in time? How real was that love and relationship? Was it really ever what you thought it was? I’d really like to know the answer one day.