Let’s Talk “Real”

Image by Iván Tamás from Pixabay

Sometimes I wonder where I would be and how many friends I would have if I lied to people. It seems that’s what people truly want sometimes. We often speak about honesty, truth, realness and loyalty but how many people truly live it?

What I’ve learned in life through all the friends and family relationships that are now strained and estranged is that people love for you to be honest and real until it’s time to be really honest with them. You can not cuss or use disparaging words. Your tone can be calm and your words clear and direct and they will still scream bloody murder. The tears will still flow and you will still be the Villain that victimizes and hurt them to the core .

Is it worth it? Honestly, I don’t know. Human emotion wants peace, love and harmony. Integrity needs truth and high moral fabric with no deviation. I also don’t believe we are meant to be loved by the world. I believe there’s a deceptive practice in place if “everyone loves you”. I have love for so many yet only have received loved from few in return. Doesn’t stop me from being what my spirit tells me is right. I move the way I move so I can sleep well and look myself in the mirror with no shame or regrets.

As I write this I think of all the people who called me friend or met my palm with warmth and positivity. Those who said they loved me, had my back or that I meant the world to them. I think of them because I don’t see many of them anymore. I have no idea where they are, what they are doing and how the relationship got here. Crazy how life works. Some of the people who you never thought you’d be without, you now may never see again. And that feeling may be mutual.

How real was that moment in time? How real was that love and relationship? Was it really ever what you thought it was? I’d really like to know the answer one day.

The Authentic Podcast Ep. 19 – Last Bachelor Standing with guest CamQuotes

It’s always cool when I get to be a “passenger” on someone else’s platform. I enjoy being a guest on podcast because it gives me the opportunity to show a little more range in topic and conversation.

I was fortunate to do the latest episode of The Authentic Podcast with Deacon Drew and Tiffany Nicole. Drew gets married in less than a week so it’s time to talk about some of those wild but good old days as a Bachelor before he jumps the broom. It’s the “Last Bachelor Standing” Episode with me as a guest! Check it out!

Situations…Will Arise

This dialogue can be read as a man or a woman. Cause the game never changes, nor is it one sided. People just choose to believe it’s that way. Check the blends and cross patterns of two sides of the same “Situationship”

You’re dope. And I’m starting to love everything about you. I was only in to hit it once, but it was so good that I had to double dip and well, the more I dipped the better you felt. The chemistry got real and the fire burned hotter. What can I say, we are unreal together. Sexually that is…but if I denied more than that I’d be lying.

We don’t hang much unless it’s time to lay up. At first it seemed cool but now I don’t know. It’s like maybe dinner and a movie wouldn’t be so bad as a change of pace. It’s got to be more than “Firestick and Fuck”, right? Maybe that’s all I want, but it doesn’t feel like all I need. We’ve spent countless weekends and late night creeps together. It’s fun and I won’t lie it’s exciting, but damn. Maybe it’s time for more…

Maybe I’m tripping. Maybe it’s all these DM’s I’m getting. I haven’t entertained one message yet. Haven’t thought about hitting up anyone else either. You would think it would be easy to just say “Nah, I’m gon’ chill. You’re the one. Let’s just rock out me and you.” But we haven’t done that. I don’t want to force things. I want it to be mutual. I just want to make sure that you want me exactly how I want you. Until then, I’ll take what I can get from you.

Is it cause the allure of being single is all good for “The Gram”? Is it cause one day that first crush is going to “WYD?” me like, “DAMN!”? Is it cause maybe just maybe, I can get this threesome popping and do some things that society would call “THOT Shit” but I don’t care cause that’s what I’m on and…well…You can’t do that in no relationship; Can you?

Will the sex be as nasty and hot once we put a title on this? Will we start missing cues when it’s time for some dick? Will you be more concern about where I’m at when I’m not around, but I been moving the exact same way since we first got down?

Those are questions that need answers and Im ready to receive. Our situation does confirm the lines of Love and Loyalty. They’re not one in the same. Cause I can love fucking you, but be loyal to keep it a convenience thang. The type of loyalty that will let you go out, get some even have a main. The loyalty that may meet the closest homey but the parents, EH! we’ll refrain. And it’s not cause I’m ashamed. We’re just not a couple, but I want you and maybe to them that’s hard to explain.

It’s seems this situation is the forever honeymoon stage. But is that because we’re not willing to work during down time and strain? I’m mean, I do know some of your darkest secrets. In fact we connect better than anyone else. Are we too much alike? Are we too scare of ourselves. Am I broken? Are you bitter? Are we stuck on all the wrongs? If we truly are meant to be so happy, how come we found others to “get along”? I mean, what the fuck is so wrong with me, you and us? Connecting this many times for this many months, is obviously more than lust. So what’s up? We kind of official and it hasn’t been tough. Seriously is it about having a better option and not having to explain why you want to get up?

Maybe we just over-thunk. Let’s not try to define, title and just be “Us”. I mean, we were fine until all of our friends asked “What’s up?” The picture of us kind of hugged up wasn’t too much. It’s just folks be so damn nosey and well, I don’t want to mess this up.

We cool. We straight. We aight. We friends. They say that’s how all great relationships form and begin. Maybe friend is the realest thing you can be to me till the end. Cause I need that more than anything, with everything I been through. Last thing I would ever really want to lose is the friend that I have in you.

We should talk about it sooner than later. It should be a serious topic we touch. But until then, you know the code. So when I send that come fuck. I love the fact that I can talk to you like that…

One and Only: Paul Defines Monogamy

Paul, Donnie and Q are chilling just like any other night at Zo’s Lounge. A few drinks and a lot of memories like most nights are. Sometimes the conversations get real intense, but today it gets realer than expected when Donnie asks the question that millions of men around the world want to know the answer to.

Donnie: Fellas, Do you think you’ll ever stop wanting to fuck other women? Like forever?

Q: To be honest, I don’t know man. Like, it sound like the “right thing to do” but honestly, I’d just rather not be in the situation where I’d have to think about it.

Paul: You’d rather not be in the posi…What the fuck are you talking about!?

Q: I’m just saying, Fam, I just would rather not be in that situation

Paul: So what you going to do? Go blind tomorrow? Start going out at 4 in the morning when ain’t shit open but hospitals and whore houses you don’t want to spend money on?

Donnie: *Laughing* THIS FOOL WILD!

Paul: Let me answer for all 3 of us…NO! OK THERE! I said it! Yeah, women don’t want to hear that shit, but it’s the honest truth.

Paul’s divorce is almost final. He’s not playing the field. He’s not even looking for another woman. He’s just looking for bomb ass sex and well, his wife wasn’t rocking with that when he told her. He tried to include her, made it clear it wasn’t a love thing, but in the end, no dice.

Paul: Listen y’all, especially the newly wed guy over here, “as he looks a Q and pauses;” Old habits die hard and some won’t die at all. If you are fortunate enough to find a woman that makes you think, “Man, I don’t need no other pussy than this, than I salute and respect you.” However, if you been an active, avid skirt chaser and you truly love the feel of “new pussy” then my friend, you will always find something that you wouldn’t mind taking down.

Donnie: But wanting to and actually doing it are two different things

Paul: Not to women. They think, “If you like what you see, you’re going to go get it. That means I’m not enough.” I talk it cause I lived it, bro! The only right answer you can ever give a woman, especially if it’s YOUR WOMAN is, I will only have eyes for you and only you!

Donnie: OK then, let me ask this. Do you believe in Monogamy?

Q: I believe in trying to be. Isn’t it all about the effort?

Paul: Q, you sound like you lost your virginity the other day, dude. While you process all this let me talk my shit. So Donnie, you just asked if I believe in Monogamy right?

Donnie: Right, So what you got?

Paul: I did. I really did. I thought once I wanted to marry my wife, that she was going to be everything I would ever need in and out of the bedroom, but reality is, it was unfair for me to believe that she would be everything I would ever need and want in every aspect of my life until I died.

Donnie: Why you say that, bro?

Paul: Because man; She supposed to be the best looker, cooker, cleaner, sucker and fucker I’ve ever had!? AND RAISE KIDS WELL!? Bro, I should have put a listing on eBay for a damn unicorn! What I’m getting to is this, unless you’re a virgin and you marry that girl and you don’t know the touch of multiple women, you will almost always get a hunger for another touch. Then there’s this thing called sexual chemistry. To be real. My wife and I had a lot of things, High sexual chemistry wasn’t one of them. It was there, but not as high as it was with “Tonya” or “Kina”.

Q: Then why did you not marry one of them?

Paul: I guess I thought she was so good or great in other areas that I could deal. I even asked myself, Should my wife be the best sex I ever had? I remember the girl that was. NO WAY I could bring her home or want her to be apart of my family. I thought bigger than sex and well, I lost. Cause now I’m out here soon to be divorced in my 40’s and I don’t see a new long term commitment in my future at this point.

Donnie: Damn. I never thought of it like that. Cause the flip is, even if the sex is fire, do you like this girl long term? Can she cook? Can she teach your kids how to spell? Hell, do she even have life goals?

Paul: SEE! Now you understand my personal dilemma.

Q: But shouldn’t the love conquer the sex? I mean, you don’t want to hurt your girl with the news that you’re getting down with someone else. Then again, you got to communicate what you’re happy and not happy with.

Paul: And Q, in my experience if I wasn’t giving my wife a grade of “Stellar” or “Jamie Foxx in Ray” acclaim for her performance, it was “something wrong”. To me, love and sex are two different functions and ideas. I’ve loved very few. I’ve sexed more than I consciously remember. Some girls are a good time. Some girls you hate you lost. I hate I lost my wife, man. She was really a great person. I figured my honesty to her about my desires would maybe raise new conversation in our lives and make us closer. What I ended up doing is telling her “she’s not enough” because are sex life wasn’t the greatest. I didn’t even say in those words and that’s how she took it.

Donnie: Sounds like you still love your wife and want her back. You should go back after her, bro!

Paul: And say what? I promise I won’t think, desire or try to have sex with another woman ever again; But, no for real this time? I played the “it’s just sex” card. I even offered to “hire a professional” and have her there to watch that it was indeed no “Love” in the situation. All she saw was “You just want to have sex with all the women you can” and it honestly wasn’t like that.

Donnie: Damn. Sounds like you’re doomed for your honesty or your fuckery. I understand your wife though. I was in y’all wedding. It was a great night. I see how women think it’s nothing left to do but ride off in the sunset together forever with no extra participants after a night like that.

So dig it, what if the tables were turned and she was like “You’re not putting it down how I need it. I want one of my old things back on occasion.” Would you go for that?

Paul: Honestly bro, yeah.

Q: MAN WHAT!?!

Donnie: WOW! FOR REAL!?!? Like you’d let another dude hit your wife time to time?

Paul: If we had the understanding that it was just sex. No dates, no trips, no emotional connections. Just get your nut off and be done, yeah. I mean, the nigga can’t move in…or get her pregnant, but I honestly wouldn’t have a problem with that. Especially since I asked for the same thing in reverse.

Keep in mind fellas. I didn’t tell my wife, “I love someone else” or “I want to have a side chick”. I said, I want to have sex with a woman from my past. Just sex and only sex. I was going to pick a girl I had incredible sexual chemistry with but nothing else. She was NOT having that.

Donnie: I must say my brother, you the realest dude ever for that, because I don’t think I can deal.

Paul: Man G. You got to charge some stuff to the game. There’s no give without take. There is no gain without sacrifice. That’s what monogamy is to me. Sacrifice. You may get a beautiful woman, who is brilliant and refuse to swallow. You may get a sex addict that can cook her as off but refuses to read a paragraph out loud. What you got to do though, is keep making that old love new. You got to keep growing and understand that just like she can’t be everything to you, you won’t be everything to her.

Women deal much better in that realm of understanding. Man will hunt for what he wants, get it and will enjoy the thrill of the hunt and conquest. Women will choose and stand on that choice until it crumbles and fades at their feet. Possibly to never choose again. Men have sex until we meet a woman that we want to make love to. Problem is, we never really cut off wanting sex. We should, but we don’t and I’m not God to answer why that happens. As you can see I got my own problems with it.

Q: Wow…Those are BARS there. I know I love my wife. We’re brand new to this and I won’t act like I don’t find other women extremely attractive. After hearing your story, I got to admit, monogamy sounds like the ultimate test of man and it sounds like the right amount of honesty and fear is what will get you through. Honesty to know you can communicate openly. Fear, because you don’t want to lose what you got, just make it better. Almost like, you’re not being monogamous for you; You’re being monogamous for “US”. That’s ill man.

Paul: Trust me, I know. End of day, I should have tried to kill my thirst for “great sex elsewhere” and let my wife know “I want to get on the path of great sex with her.” Funny how clear you think when your dicks not shouting at you…Well, let me get up out of here, man. I got a phone call to make. Y’all be smooth.

Paul leaves in a hurry. Makes his way out of Zo’s with sweat in his palms. He grabs his phone, goes to his contacts and scrolls down to “Wife” and just sits and stares at the contact. Can he make it right? One press on the icon is the only way he will know.