An Anxious Mood

I’m in a very anxious mood. I want to make a move, but I’m not exactly secure about the future. It’s hard to break away of the employee mindset and worker mentality. Somedays I’m not so confident that I can go out there and make my own money and that being enough to live comfortably.

Second guessing and living with a hint of anxiety will play major tricks on you. It’s hard to tell if you’re coming or going and what your destination is at times.

What I need is a mental break, from everything. I’ve been having to do a lot of thinking about a lot of different aspects of life and it’s honestly draining me in ways I didn’t expect. Now I feel bombarded all at once. Happiness starts from within and that is the largest step to success.

Learning from Melo

2020 has started off great in the reality check department for me. I’ve had a chance to reflect on missed opportunity and the why. Sometimes you can just not be ready. Other times it could simply be that the opportunity wasn’t meant to be. Then there are the times where you might have talked yourself out of a situation by wanting too much too soon or too much in general.

Under the guise of “Know your worth” it’s also important to “Know what you’re doing currently” and that isn’t talked about much. Currently we are in a society where everyone is saying “Go get what’s yours” and we live by the Jay lyric of “Overcharging for what they did to the Cold Crush”, but one key thing left out is; Have you earned the opportunity to do that? Today, I sit here and think maybe, just maybe I haven’t.

Sometimes we get wrapped up in “what we’ve done” and that puts an incorrect price tag on our worth. We may be speaking from a tone of “Give me back pay” when actually the real task is proving you are still worth what you got and some more. You can only prove that by seizing an opportunity and showing insurmountable worth during that time. Many of us feel that we should get everything up front so we can show and prove. That no matter the circumstance or industry is inaccurate. Real life, no one cares what we’ve done. They care about what we can do for them right now. Every day, week, month, quarter and year is a chance to prove that you are earning your spot, your dollar and the next opportunity. That should be embraced, especially if you truly believe in yourself and what you have to offer. Maybe it was the exhaustion of my mind and the subtle trauma and bitterness the hits me at times, but I lost sight of that. I realize now that I wanted someone else to pay for what I’ve already done. I was hoping that payment would prove that I am everything I said I was. As I reflect I know that’s wrong. I know that’s wrong because of watching Carmelo Anthony’s story.

Melo is a great example for all of us. He’s not the 100 million contract guy anymore, but he was definitely always able to play NBA level basketball. The league put him in a tight spot, citing him as the problem and seemingly forcing him out while his tank was at least 3/4’s full. It all boiled down to Melo simply wanting to play basketball. It wasn’t about being option 1 or having a franchise tag or huge contract. His bottom line was “I wanna hoop and I still can hoop” give me a chance to prove that.

Now with the Blazers, He took an opportunity to prove that he can still hoop vs wanting a price tag he felt he was worth. I applied Melo’s situation to mine. What’s real about my situation is that I truly do want to be apart of the entertainment industry. It’s also clear that I don’t want to be in the same sector I once was. I can finally close the door on that because I just don’t have it in my heart anymore. I really gave it all I had and end of the day, I don’t feel like that portion of the game loved me back. The great thing about the entertainment industry is that there are so many other “IN’s” and you can still do everything you dreamed just by simply walking through a different door. I’m at the doorway of that different door. I’ve knocked. I’m patiently waiting.

I’ll be back in the entertainment industry full time by summer. I can feel it. It’s time to get some new love at a new door. “I wanna hoop”.

What Will My Opportunity Look Like?

I saw a post from Steve Stoute giving his “10 Secrets of Success” this weekend. As a person who really admires Steve Stoute and what he’s done, it immediately caught my attention. One of his rules really stood out to me and I didn’t really understand why until I realized what had happened to me earlier last week.

“To get you want, you must do things you don’t want to do”

That resonated with me deeply after the conversation I had on Thursday. I started thinking, what will be that thing, I don’t want to do? Will be wrapped in a destination? Will it be with an undesired person? Will it be as simple as having to wait a little while longer and stretching time? I don’t know. What I do know is that I am excited to get what I want. So excited about getting it that I am not sure that there is much I won’t do to get what I want.

This is going to be a special year. I’m in a real special time and I’m hoping that I’m truly ready to pull out all the stops and take my life to a very special place. What will my next opportunity look like? I can’t wait for God to reveal it.

Mind Tricks…

Is it the chase or patience?
What you can do but…
Don’t feel you can cause of the way life is
You want to vacate, walk away or flee
But don’t because of bills, scrutiny and luxury
Perception is the killer of many young and old
As a prisoner of my own thoughts on many occasions I know

I’m losing the battle in my own mind
Haunted by the success I’ve never seen
Wanting to be more than what I am
Wondering why many believe but never help me
Is it all smoke and fallacy?
Do the many truly give a damn about me?
Am I thinking and doing too much
Thus never finding what’s right for me

What do you do when you believe you can do anything?
It’s got to be more than “something”
It doesn’t count to “maintain” and “make a way”
You have to move and achieve with gumption
I need to be great and happy
Understand sacrifice is now
Hell, I’ve sacrificed enough time coming to this decision now

A Blog Progress Report

Within the first 6 days of August, I have accomplished 2 milestones with my blog.

I have reached 200 followers and I have officially beat my total number of views for 2018!

To the 200 people that follow this blog, Thank You! When I first started this, I just wanted a place to express myself, give pieces of my mind and feelings. This started out as nothing more than a “Live Journal”. To see that more people are following, liking, commenting and really digesting the words here is nothing short of amazing. I started this platform to process life and “empty my brain”. No matter when you followed or why you follow I appreciate it.

Beating the entire year of 2018 by the first week of August is crazy! I haven’t even hit 200 post yet! I did 362 posts last year to get the number I’m succeeding with 171 post, not counting this one! I don’t question blessings, I just recognize them and show gratitude.

I’ll keep living, thinking and writing about it. I hope it continues to entertain, inspire or help you in whatever way it was needed. Again, if you have ever clicked, liked or followed; Thank you!

Life Would Be Easier…

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Life would be easier, if I didn’t think I was so great.
If I didn’t see wealth, health and happiness in my future.
It’d be easier if I didn’t challenge thought and authority.
But how can I not?

You’re talking to someone who thinks
They’re on the same level and playing filed as the vets, legends and pioneers on day 1.
The only difference is, I seen their greatness but they haven’t seen mine.
I believe in my ability to be an unbelievable asset to any process.
I hate resistance but live for confrontation.
That’s why it’s difficult for me.

My inner being is rebellious and revolutionary.
I come in a package that’s easy on the eyes and my charisma and aura make some uncomfortable.
It may sound like I’m full of myself, but ask yourself this question.
Have you ever been so outspoken you’ve been asked to humble yourself?
Been denied an opportunity but still requested for help?

Have you made a mark someone has tried to diminish or erase?
Have you wanted compensation more than credit and still didn’t win that race?

I think I’m sexy AF and ahead of my time
My goal is to be remembered as one of this generations most brilliant minds
I find comfort in myself and don’t seek crowds for shine
So imagine how I come off to people that run 9 to 5’s?

Hell, if I don’t big up myself who will?
Not the people messaging or texting me to say “Yo, you killed!”

I’m just saying, tell someone that don’t know me
Tell one of your wealthy, always looking to invest homies
Tell someone I been at this consistently
Tell someone without some form of contingency

See that’s what it be
Oh, Cam might get scorching hot and forget about me
Fuck dude. He’s so smart he’ll figure it out
What I’ve learned is expect yourself to always hold you down

In this game of clout chasing to “put yourself on”
I was practicing in the gym before you put shoes on
Frustration made me diversify and feel a bit sour
I continue to work
Patiently waiting for my 10,000th hour

Yeah my budget is trash and I have no couch to crash on
I don’t have time to party and BS
And I don’t have a team of hungry cats
Or a relative who is that “On”

And I’m not under 25
But it’s a blessing to be alive
Because if life was easy for me
I would have quit trying May of 0-9

It’s the curse of knowing your not regular
And people seeing it with envy
It’s knowing your phone will ring more
Once the day comes that you been envisioning

I’m going to be the bad guy who didn’t help enough
I’m going to be the asshole who words were just too rough
I’ll be labeled as difficult and that dealing with me it tough

Life would be easier if I was like them…but then no one give a fuck.