Feeling The Test

I just had revelation on the way to bed, so I’m back up to write about it…

I’ve spent the last week or longer talking about wanting to get “more” and earn more money and wanting better for myself. Since I’ve said that, I’ve been getting tested at my primary job. My patience, my attitude and my willingness to “play nice” is all under attack. It’s under attack in the form of a person. It’s the only logical way to explain what’s been happening lately.

I was just telling my wife earlier today that I’m obviously being tested. I just couldn’t put my finger on why. Now, it’s more than obvious. I’ve been pumping that positive reinforcement to myself and now God is moving. I asked for “more” and “better” and now, he’s preparing me to have that. There is no triumph without tragedy. There is not testimony without a test. I’m in the process of being tested to get what I have been asking for.

Now I know why I didn’t hit send on that email yesterday. I know why I didn’t force the issue of a fiery conversation in the meeting today. When I had to step out, with the day almost over, just to give myself an encouraging pep talk; I understand it’s God helping me cope and not forget about what I’ve been asking for.

Although the test is in full effect, I still got to put in effort to make it happen. I’m not going to let up. In fact, I’m going to fight harder. I’m going to climb out of this darkness to shine brighter than ever. It truly is my time and I must stay ready and firmly on my square. Nothing is going to stop me from getting where I want to go.

Acknowledging The Test

Image by Rudy and Peter Skitterians from Pixabay

It’s difficult when life tests you. Today I’m not sure if I can call it life or the devil himself. Maybe they are both one in the same and people use them as synonyms metaphorically. For the first time in a long time, I’m angry. Very angry. I feel the resistance, the negative energy, the intentional disrespect radiating off of a person and being guided to a situation. I can tell when a person wants to be difficult on purpose and do whatever they can to rattle and break me.

It’s been very hard to stand strong today. It’s hard to act like it doesn’t bother me. I even tried meditating today. It lead to a decent nap but more of the same over all. I have violent images in my mind. I have no solutions to speak. I am operating on 100% emotion internally. I hate these feelings. These feelings are distractions that keep me from my higher vibration. I can not go back to who I willingly was at an earlier time in my life.

I pray I don’t spazz and go haywire. I am pleading within myself to remain the rock I just was 24 hours ago. I’m going to breathe deeply and rise above. I refuse to let an inferior situation defeat me. I am bigger, better and greater than this circumstance. Yes, I am not fully healed from the previous scars. Yes, I do feel some regret of my recent kind gesture, but I absolutely will not lose! I’ve come too far to be taken out. So now I will stand stronger than ever!

God is the only power over me. Nothing and no one else. Only God Reigns.