I’m mentally checked out and emotionally angry… I don’t understand what the current period of life means, but I will ultimately do what’s best for me.
I’ve dealt with a heavy burden of making people happy because of the position they’ve held and I didn’t get much in return. People will sometimes overstate their contribution, especially when it’s some shit you never asked for. Makes you hate to see people coming. Has your mood and feelings down when they’re around.
Some people are so self centered that they they don’t even have the peripheral vision to see beside themselves.
Just thinking out loud before I meditate. I can’t allow my mind to get the better of me. These few words are only the beginning on a story that may be in its final chapter.
I recently had a conversation that made me rethink some things I thought I wanted and some of the people I felt I wanted around.
In this one life that we live, we are going to do and experience right and wrong. There will come a time in our lives when we all will do right and will do wrong. The thought of the week for me; I don’t want to be around any person that swears they have done no wrong ever. That’s not even realistic in life.
It’s so much talk about “vibes” “energy” and “protecting peace” but there are people out there that post all that and never see the error in their own ways and actions. Maybe your energy is being affected because of the way you talk to people. Maybe the vibe is different for you because people are tired of you looking at everybody else but yourself for all your internal and external issues and shortcomings. Maybe your peace isn’t protected because you’re moving different, keeping secrets, looking funny in the light and you’re not as 100 as you think you are. Even if you’re on point 85% of the time; The 15% still counts against you. No one is exempt from that basic math.
Not everything can be fixed with an apology. The action of changed behavior is always needed and respected more; But when you encounter a person that absolves themselves from any and all error and wrong doing; It may be best to leave them in their own ignorant bliss.
So man! It’s been a minute right? I’ve been trying to stay off of my public safe space because I’ve been in several moods and emotions and to be real; It’s not quite ready for even my public safe space yet.
I’m still thinking about my grandma. I have new thoughts about my personal life. I have a new mindset on self care. It’s a lot going on in my mind to say the absolute least. I’m going to try and pump out a little art to y’all though. Maybe a few writings will help me get back into a better mental space.
Hope everybody is taking the quarantine seriously. At the same time I hope blacks and latinos aren’t co-signing every word that is being said about us and the coronavirus on the news. Always keep in your mind we as a delegation went from “Black folks can’t catch the coronavirus” to the news now telling us 50% of all coronavirus deaths are black people. That’s not some coincidental news to me. AmeriKKKa has been capitalizing off of Black Fear for a long time. Don’t think they wouldn’t do it during a pandemic.
Whether you are staying busy or just staying safe, good for you. Don’t get wrapped up in people telling you what you got to do or work on right now. You supposed to do you. That’s the only thing that matters right now. As long as you are doing that, all will remain well.
Well, Let me attempt to tell my life colorfully so I can relax and finally get into Snowfall.
Be Safe, wear mask and wash your entire body thoroughly…and your clothes. Love!
I’m up and have been up for at least an hour. Many thoughts clouding my mind. Things I want to do. Things I want to have a see. People I have encountered in all facets of life. All of it is clouding my mind right now and it’s keeping me awake. I wish I understood why.
I hope to make sense of all this soon. I don’t feel tired at all, just loaded with thoughts.
Since the day I decided I would choose happiness first and added it to my affirmation list, I’ve felt a shift. A shift of relief. I’m not as anxious or tense about “what’s next” anymore. I no longer feel stuck or trapped in a situation with no way out. I know what I’m going after and that has provide some mental and even physical ease. I’m a little anxious to move forward in the process, but I am happy to be patient now that I know where I am going.
A new level of peace is emerging. I know all will be fine as soon as it begins. I will be able to do all the things I want to do and other things I’ve never imagined. No better sign than all of these to know it’s best to continue focusing on what makes me happy.
One day when there’s enough money or next time when it’s this sunny
Maybe next time, when I get my taxes. Possibly next time I’ll stop and grab it
I got to do that for sure. You’re the only one that I adore
We’re soulmates, I’m love struck
We’ll be real friends no matter what
I can’t stand you and I want you gone
I hate this shit, time to move on
Why does it always have to be like this
I’m okay, I’m fine, I’m pissed
Are you ever truly gonna be sick and tired of this shit?
You’re just gonna leave like that? You sat here and lied like this?
I loved you, I hate you, you meant the world to me
I liked you, you’re real, you’re who I aspired to be
That dream is now gone, my feelings are so strong
I’ll be here forever, it’s hard to move on
Pretty soon, right now, I can’t cause fear
I’m afraid, not now, eh, maybe next year…
Image by nile from Pixabay