Your incoherent nature
Aloofness to your surroundings and interactions

The table that turns only to your right
Or things will go left with spite

The victimhood you maintain
Residing in “Hoax Valley” with only others to carry the blame

In the mirror with no reflection
Unseen, unheard but still professing

What Will My Opportunity Look Like?

I saw a post from Steve Stoute giving his “10 Secrets of Success” this weekend. As a person who really admires Steve Stoute and what he’s done, it immediately caught my attention. One of his rules really stood out to me and I didn’t really understand why until I realized what had happened to me earlier last week.

“To get you want, you must do things you don’t want to do”

That resonated with me deeply after the conversation I had on Thursday. I started thinking, what will be that thing, I don’t want to do? Will be wrapped in a destination? Will it be with an undesired person? Will it be as simple as having to wait a little while longer and stretching time? I don’t know. What I do know is that I am excited to get what I want. So excited about getting it that I am not sure that there is much I won’t do to get what I want.

This is going to be a special year. I’m in a real special time and I’m hoping that I’m truly ready to pull out all the stops and take my life to a very special place. What will my next opportunity look like? I can’t wait for God to reveal it.

New Life Before Next Life

I read Joe Rogan makes 30 million a year for podcasting
I watched the impact Kobe Bryant made on the world being 3 years older than me
I was inspired by Nipsey Hussle’s plan and execution and I am 4 years older him.

Two of those men are gone. One of those men I’m inspired to be compared to. I won’t do that doing what I’m doing.

What have I been doing? Looking for jobs. Working on my shows maybe 2 days a week. Not creating marketing plans to build awareness of the brands that I hope to make profitable and independent. I got to stop all of this. I got to start a lot more.

I’m only 5 episodes in on a show that I am calling “My version of the Joe Rogan Experience”. That started last summer. Regardless of the circumstance, I should not only be 5 episodes in. I feel like I’ve let my respective teams down. I’m just glad I recognize it. This is supposed to be an everyday with no breaks thing. I’m just not putting in the adequate effort to get what I want.

So now, it’s time to execute by any means. I’m logging out of indeed. I’m going to start working daily on what I want. I have an outline. I have a structure. It’s time to execute and complete. If I’m as truly inspired as I feel I am, I expect to see great progress by Summer 2020. Talking is BS. Let’s see what the work do.

A Day of Uncertain Reflection

Since doing my taxes the other day, I felt like I may have made some key mistakes. Not on my taxes, but in life. I’m thinking about certain opportunities and things I said I wanted and didn’t get and I now wonder if I truly made a mistake.

Maybe I should have taken less because it probably will actually equate to more in current comparison. Maybe I truly haven’t earned all that I am asking for and expecting. Maybe it’s time for me to fall back and be even more patient for “my day” because today is obviously not “that day”.

It’s difficult to process, because when you believe in yourself and you want the best for yourself, you’re met with so much opposition. I feel like there has been too many times where people have tried to minimize me or sideshow me or just go out of their way to try and take me down a few notches and make me feel inferior. It sucks because it’s always someone with just a tad more power than I posses. Power is a crazy thing. It can make any man or woman feel they are worth their weight in gold. It can also make them feel as they are judge, jury and executioner of another persons worth and fate. I want to do for self, but that’s difficult to do with minimal resources. Resources have been my biggest opponent for far too long.

I’ve sat most of this day asking myself, what should I do? I’ve prayed and will pray again. Also going to take some time to meditate. I’m in need to feel true comfort and some relief. I can’t let whats outside destroy what’s inside.

Girl Dad Beyond A Hashtag

When I was told that I would be having a child, I literally felt a shift in my life. Regardless of the circumstance I know that things were about to change forever. I had spent that previous summer having dreams of walking with a child. It looked a lot like the artwork in Styles P “A Gangster and A Gentlemen” album. A man and his son walking together in matching Timbs and coats.

When I woke up, it was noting more than a dream. I didn’t think “Yes! I want to have a boy!” Truth is I didn’t care. When I was faced with the reality of actually having a child, the sex of the baby didn’t matter to me at all. I was prepared to name the child after me no matter what.

A boy would mean Cameron II
A girl would mean Camryn Denise aka Cammy D!

I’ve just never been a “I must have a son to carry my name” guy. It would be cool no doubt, but it would not be a let down if I never have a son. I was raised by 2 women. My biological grandfather died when my mom was 12-13. My relationship with my father isn’t ideal and maybe those factor in to why I am not sold on having one over the other.

I have girl. I have a daughter. And although her name isn’t “Cammy D” I love her for everything she’s made me. A child will change your outlook on life, but a baby girl will heighten your sensitivity and awareness to a level that you won’t even be able to process in the first year.

If the old adage is true, I may end up with all girls, ha! I’d love every single second of it. Because whether it’s FaceTime, at a restaurant, her basketball game or watching her sing at her plays, there’s nothing I love more than watching the little girl I helped create grow. I don’t get nearly enough time, but I don’t let that stop me from doing what I can when I can.

Kobe and Gigi Bryant’s passing along with the other 7 people on that helicopter has been tough on the world. I watched a video of Kobe taking a picture of Gigi and Luka at a game. Kobe with his camera making sure the shot was just right, making sure people were out of the way. That moment made me burst into tears! His words on having four girls and how he now has to be apart of the process of making sure the world has greater opportunities for them shot me in the heart! Those moments and statements are really what being a “Girl Dad” means to me. It’s not just a hashtag to post your most recent or best picture. It’s how you see the world and the women in it. I just hope the “Girl Dad Energy” remains constant.

I didn’t post under the hashtag. I don’t want to disrespect anyone who has, but if your daughter hasn’t changed even your attitude towards women, then I would encourage you to truly seek the layers that come with being a true “Girl Dad”.

For me, being a girl Dad, is tapping into the nurturing side of yourself and showing the balance of strength and sensitivity needed to cultivate that in a future woman. It’s admiring women and seeing your daughter becoming a great woman like the great women you encounter daily. You also help. You try your hardest regardless of your situation to make sure your daughter feels love, security and that she can do anything. Obviously that will come from a mother, but to have it instilled and cultivated by a father is a whole different ballgame. As fathers, we must be emotionally available to our children, but especially our daughters. We have to show them the parts of them that are in us, that can’t be seen but can always be felt. That’s what being a Girl Dad” is to me.

My heart is crushed that Kobe died with the daughter many felt is most like him in his arms. It’s tearing me apart more because when I turn 41, my daughter will be 12. My daughter looks and acts so much like me it’s scary! I see how much living, growing and loving we have to do and know that they truly were just getting started just like us. That hurts. I can’t put the correct words I’m feeling together with processing that unfortunate reality.

Let’s love our daughters and all women more. Let’s go out of our way to listen, protect and defend them. Let’s make life more comfortable. Let’s keep young girls and women more secure. Because that is the true nature and spirit of being a Girl Dad.

Understanding Layers of Sexual Fantasy

I don’t think I’m going out on a limb when I say, the act of sex between two consenting adults is expected to end in an equal level of satisfaction for both parties. That is definitely the want. We also know that the specific want is not a guarantee in many cases. Some men and women walk the earth mildly please or totally unsatisfied. That and a conversation I had not too long ago has me thinking about the layers of sexual fantasy and what would I do about it.

One of the recent epiphany’s I had is that sexual fantasy is not meant to please both people involved in the same way. Often times humans act under reciprocation and instant gratification. In the aspect of sexual fantasy that would mean, doing to or for you with the expectation of you reciprocating in equal value for me. That logic is not wrong, but I am beginning to feel that it should be unexpected. At least not in the same manner under the code of satisfaction.

If your mate approaches you with an idea of a fantasy, you have a choice in whether you will do it or not. I feel you doing it shouldn’t be about what you are getting in return; It should be about you being satisfied with creating the fantasy. The euphoric state for the moment should be equal, but the manner in which satisfaction is received should be recognized.

The satisfaction of the giver should be being happy to please the receiver.

The receiver’s role is to delight in the requested moment delivered by the giver.

It’s a level of “pleasing your mate” that many disregard because we live in the mindset of, but what are you going to do for me? Even if you don’t have a fantasy, the person you are asking now wants “something” in exchange for what they say they are willing to do for you.

The scenarios and extremes won’t matter. From being whipped, to anal licking to threesomes we all see conversations that usually end with, but can I do that too?

Let’s go with the classic scenario. Man wants threesome with 2 women, because that’s his fantasy. Woman say, yes, but I want one with 2 men. Now, in the mind of tit for tat, it makes perfect sense. You have it, so I have it. But, if that is truly the mans fantasy, why must it be countered with a woman’s trade? Is it really about fulfilling a fantasy at that point or is it something to say you both have done it? Did that woman really want two men or is she just trying to prove she can have a threesome too? Unfortunately you’ll never know until you try or don’t.

I think scenarios like the above are why “Sex workers” exist. People want their fantasy without judgement, trade or having to do something in return. A man will pay for a woman to swallow before he goes back and forth about why “his girl” won’t. A request to wear an item, feel a sensation or visit a place is much easier with a person who is all about the moment of pleasing you for nothing more than a thank you and transaction fee. The rise of premium snap and “Only fans” pages even when “PornHub is free” or “women you know can send you nudes” is because of the experience and confidentiality. Fantasy is more than “busting a nut”. Fantasy is an experience where all your senses take in the moment in time and create a memory. How many people are going out of their way to do that for each other?

Some people are reading the above and saying “well if you paid me, I’d do it for you, too!” That always sounds good. We all want to get money, but even the motive is ” you’re going to pay me so I’m going to do it” not “Let me provide a pleasurable experience for you and be compensated for the time and experience.” It may sound like semantics but it’s truly in mindset. Some people are born people pleasers. Some people are selfish and want what they always feel is owed to them. Some people that you love have limits. What do you do when you can’t meet that limit?

The hot new crazy is spitting in a persons mouth during sex. That’s a no for me, dog! If that was something that was requested, I’d have to bow out because that’s just a little too nasty for me. However, if my partner wanted that, would I be fair or really about her pleasure if I denied it?

What if it was just about the act being done?
Would it be ok for her to experience it with or without me?

For some anal is too over the top. Some people are into torture, liked to be peed or farted on. Some people are enamored by watching their mate have sex with another person in front of them, while masturbating. Kink, fetish and fantasy all have different levels for different people.

What would you do if your mate wanted a fantasy that you were unwilling to provide?
How would you rectify that?

I’m interested in all answers.