My Daddy Goal

I believe it was two years ago. I typed a goal/affirmation down in my phone that simply said,

“I’m going to hug my daughter everyday”

I have not achieved that goal, yet. I think that not achieving this goal has lead to my indescribable incomplete feeling. With the passing of my grandma and how important she was to both of us, I really have to do all I can to achieve that goal.

Making a living was hard enough before the pandemic. For many it will become even harder. Relocating is a task within itself, but the distance we are apart would make daily travel very expensive and unrealistic. I have some real decisions to make, even if temporary. I know the great relationship I have with my daughter could be greater. It’s on me to push it to that level. This is a decision less about me and more about her and us. In this crazy time we are living in, I don’t want to be far from my child. I don’t want to have to finance a trip to see her. I don’t want her adolescent years with me to be sporadic and heavy technology based. As her father, it’s on me to fix that reality in every aspect anyway I can.

I will fulfill my Daddy goal of hugging my daughter everyday. It’s a must.

Oblivious…

Amazing…
Your incoherent nature
Aloofness to your surroundings and interactions

Incredible…
The table that turns only to your right
Or things will go left with spite

Unreal…
The victimhood you maintain
Residing in “Hoax Valley” with only others to carry the blame

Living…
In the mirror with no reflection
Unseen, unheard but still professing

What Will My Opportunity Look Like?

I saw a post from Steve Stoute giving his “10 Secrets of Success” this weekend. As a person who really admires Steve Stoute and what he’s done, it immediately caught my attention. One of his rules really stood out to me and I didn’t really understand why until I realized what had happened to me earlier last week.

“To get you want, you must do things you don’t want to do”

That resonated with me deeply after the conversation I had on Thursday. I started thinking, what will be that thing, I don’t want to do? Will be wrapped in a destination? Will it be with an undesired person? Will it be as simple as having to wait a little while longer and stretching time? I don’t know. What I do know is that I am excited to get what I want. So excited about getting it that I am not sure that there is much I won’t do to get what I want.

This is going to be a special year. I’m in a real special time and I’m hoping that I’m truly ready to pull out all the stops and take my life to a very special place. What will my next opportunity look like? I can’t wait for God to reveal it.

New Life Before Next Life

I read Joe Rogan makes 30 million a year for podcasting
I watched the impact Kobe Bryant made on the world being 3 years older than me
I was inspired by Nipsey Hussle’s plan and execution and I am 4 years older him.

Two of those men are gone. One of those men I’m inspired to be compared to. I won’t do that doing what I’m doing.

What have I been doing? Looking for jobs. Working on my shows maybe 2 days a week. Not creating marketing plans to build awareness of the brands that I hope to make profitable and independent. I got to stop all of this. I got to start a lot more.

I’m only 5 episodes in on a show that I am calling “My version of the Joe Rogan Experience”. That started last summer. Regardless of the circumstance, I should not only be 5 episodes in. I feel like I’ve let my respective teams down. I’m just glad I recognize it. This is supposed to be an everyday with no breaks thing. I’m just not putting in the adequate effort to get what I want.

So now, it’s time to execute by any means. I’m logging out of indeed. I’m going to start working daily on what I want. I have an outline. I have a structure. It’s time to execute and complete. If I’m as truly inspired as I feel I am, I expect to see great progress by Summer 2020. Talking is BS. Let’s see what the work do.

A Day of Uncertain Reflection

Since doing my taxes the other day, I felt like I may have made some key mistakes. Not on my taxes, but in life. I’m thinking about certain opportunities and things I said I wanted and didn’t get and I now wonder if I truly made a mistake.

Maybe I should have taken less because it probably will actually equate to more in current comparison. Maybe I truly haven’t earned all that I am asking for and expecting. Maybe it’s time for me to fall back and be even more patient for “my day” because today is obviously not “that day”.

It’s difficult to process, because when you believe in yourself and you want the best for yourself, you’re met with so much opposition. I feel like there has been too many times where people have tried to minimize me or sideshow me or just go out of their way to try and take me down a few notches and make me feel inferior. It sucks because it’s always someone with just a tad more power than I posses. Power is a crazy thing. It can make any man or woman feel they are worth their weight in gold. It can also make them feel as they are judge, jury and executioner of another persons worth and fate. I want to do for self, but that’s difficult to do with minimal resources. Resources have been my biggest opponent for far too long.

I’ve sat most of this day asking myself, what should I do? I’ve prayed and will pray again. Also going to take some time to meditate. I’m in need to feel true comfort and some relief. I can’t let whats outside destroy what’s inside.

Girl Dad Beyond A Hashtag

When I was told that I would be having a child, I literally felt a shift in my life. Regardless of the circumstance I know that things were about to change forever. I had spent that previous summer having dreams of walking with a child. It looked a lot like the artwork in Styles P “A Gangster and A Gentlemen” album. A man and his son walking together in matching Timbs and coats.

When I woke up, it was noting more than a dream. I didn’t think “Yes! I want to have a boy!” Truth is I didn’t care. When I was faced with the reality of actually having a child, the sex of the baby didn’t matter to me at all. I was prepared to name the child after me no matter what.

A boy would mean Cameron II
A girl would mean Camryn Denise aka Cammy D!

I’ve just never been a “I must have a son to carry my name” guy. It would be cool no doubt, but it would not be a let down if I never have a son. I was raised by 2 women. My biological grandfather died when my mom was 12-13. My relationship with my father isn’t ideal and maybe those factor in to why I am not sold on having one over the other.

I have girl. I have a daughter. And although her name isn’t “Cammy D” I love her for everything she’s made me. A child will change your outlook on life, but a baby girl will heighten your sensitivity and awareness to a level that you won’t even be able to process in the first year.

If the old adage is true, I may end up with all girls, ha! I’d love every single second of it. Because whether it’s FaceTime, at a restaurant, her basketball game or watching her sing at her plays, there’s nothing I love more than watching the little girl I helped create grow. I don’t get nearly enough time, but I don’t let that stop me from doing what I can when I can.

Kobe and Gigi Bryant’s passing along with the other 7 people on that helicopter has been tough on the world. I watched a video of Kobe taking a picture of Gigi and Luka at a game. Kobe with his camera making sure the shot was just right, making sure people were out of the way. That moment made me burst into tears! His words on having four girls and how he now has to be apart of the process of making sure the world has greater opportunities for them shot me in the heart! Those moments and statements are really what being a “Girl Dad” means to me. It’s not just a hashtag to post your most recent or best picture. It’s how you see the world and the women in it. I just hope the “Girl Dad Energy” remains constant.

I didn’t post under the hashtag. I don’t want to disrespect anyone who has, but if your daughter hasn’t changed even your attitude towards women, then I would encourage you to truly seek the layers that come with being a true “Girl Dad”.

For me, being a girl Dad, is tapping into the nurturing side of yourself and showing the balance of strength and sensitivity needed to cultivate that in a future woman. It’s admiring women and seeing your daughter becoming a great woman like the great women you encounter daily. You also help. You try your hardest regardless of your situation to make sure your daughter feels love, security and that she can do anything. Obviously that will come from a mother, but to have it instilled and cultivated by a father is a whole different ballgame. As fathers, we must be emotionally available to our children, but especially our daughters. We have to show them the parts of them that are in us, that can’t be seen but can always be felt. That’s what being a Girl Dad” is to me.

My heart is crushed that Kobe died with the daughter many felt is most like him in his arms. It’s tearing me apart more because when I turn 41, my daughter will be 12. My daughter looks and acts so much like me it’s scary! I see how much living, growing and loving we have to do and know that they truly were just getting started just like us. That hurts. I can’t put the correct words I’m feeling together with processing that unfortunate reality.

Let’s love our daughters and all women more. Let’s go out of our way to listen, protect and defend them. Let’s make life more comfortable. Let’s keep young girls and women more secure. Because that is the true nature and spirit of being a Girl Dad.